SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Yes & Know Invisible Ink Games.

In this episode, we discussed the Ridiculous Airplane Crises, the Deterioration of Our Nation’s Truck Stops, and Ungrateful Chinese Childrens (is they learning?)

We watched United, Southwest, and American Airlines run around like massive chickens sans massive heads last week, grounding planes, destroying schedules and delaying air travelers worldwide, all the while pointing their monkey pointer finger at the FAA, for suddenly waking up and asking, “Are all the bolts on that plane on?” Without exaggeration, the entire airline industry in this country has really dropped the ball. In an effort to make flights cheap, they have made flights miserable, cramped, hot, smelly, boring, stiff, starvation fests that scare the living shit out of every person who undertakes to travel. From peanuts to pilots, we discuss where air travel went wrong. What is the worst experience you had on a flight? Tell us about it. We do offer the airline industry some tips, including Mickey’s idea for a traveling show (he really is a gypsy) and my… well… idea. Think hamster ball. At 40,000 feet.

We also discussed truck stops, which I had the pleasure of frequenting last week on my road trip. I am sad to report that the truck stop of yesteryear is dying fast, as our once proud Stuckey’s are steadily replaced by row after row of Flying J(ihad) Travel Plazas. The coffee smells like burnt hair, the staff has been replaced by sullen Pakistani men, and the jerky is being swapped out for incense. How much friggen existential meditation are these truckers doing? I get all republicany as I pine for a time I remember when the stores were bright and clean, the coffee was piping hot and fresh, and the staff did not mutter, “Death to America” after every transaction.
We round out the hour discussing China and the new wave of spoiled rotten children. They are in their twenties, they stay out all night bathing and doing coke and circus peanuts, and they do NOT call home, ever. Chinese couples are actually hiring twenty somethings to come by, simply to fulfill the role their children will no longer take. I wonder how much money one could make being a guilt-sink, or a back-sasser. hell, you could retire in that country simply by being a thing-off-shelf-getter-downer

Don’t forget to check out Mickey’s Life Coaching segment at the :40, where he details the importance of budgeting! I am more of a shotgunner in my money dealing. Probably explains why everything is feast or famine around my house. Well, let’s be honest… I never “famine”.

We apologize for the delay in starting the show. While you are waiting please enjoy our skymall magazine and these delicious musics:

• Cobra Starship – Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)
• The Dollyrots – Brand New Key
• Powerman 5000 – Return to the City of the Dead

Tags: airline, airplane, american airlines, animal, bolts, children, chin, chinese, cobra, comedy, crisis, dollyrots, faa, famine, flying j, hamster ball, independant, independent, internet, life coaching, music, orlando, peanuts, pilots, Podcast, radio, sky mall, somacow, southwest, starship, starvation, stuckey's, talk, truck stops, united

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Repticon. For all your stinging, biting and creeping horror needs, Repticon is a one stop shop for pets sure to scare the living crap out of your neighbors.

Saturday was a big day for me and my wife, as we decided to actually leave the SomaCow Studio Compound and Sausage Emporium and head out. I had been told by a friend that Repticon made for a good fun walk-around, so we piled into the Saturn Running Show and headed over.

Place was amazing. I talk about it some in this episode, and Jen got a buttload of excellent pics which you can check out while listening – Some of these things have otherwordly colors, and blew my mind. Hell of a lot bigger selection than what we see at Pet Bazaar or any of the local cricket and mealworm shops.

There were lots of women there, surprisingly. I really do not know what that is about. Mickey and J say Snakes=Penis. Mickey feels that pets signal the death of a person’s social life, and I tend to agree.

Those of you that like snakes, you should head down to the Central Florida Zoo and wave “hi” to a good friend of ours serpents, both of whom idle away their luxuriant life in happy herpe heaven. Maybe next weekend I will hit the zoo and get you guys some pics. God knows something good has to come out of that camera I bought Jen.

We talk a lot about snakes, and Mickey clues us in to what it REALLY means when a chick touches a reptile. I wonder what it means when a chick touches her iPod iTouch, that she won from SomaCow Media? Take the test and win!

Also – PSA -don’t have hermit crabs as pets- You think it’s cute. Your kid may say they do, but they are lying. Stop scaring your children, people.

We finally agree that, for some people, reptiles are just their “Thing” – Everyone needs to have a thing, something that they get nutty for, or follow religiously. Mickey’s might be comics, mine might be authors and their first editions, and J… J loves shrimp.It came up during the episode, and maybe you can sound off here: How much would you pay for a piece of the moon, or what object would you pay an exorbitant amount for, far above it’s supposed “value”?

Check out J’s NewsBomb at the :40, where he makes Mickey AND I laugh. No. REALLY!
In sadder news -

Guess who’s Back?

Back Again?

Nader’s Back.

Stupid Bastard.

Yeah, it didn’t rhyme, but there is no less evocative, more meaningless, less likely candidate to ever announce. I have more belief that Chavez, or Charlie Chaplin, or Charlie freaking Brown, could be elected, than Ralph. S. Mouse Nader. Dude is a perfect example of the guy that just does not know when to leave the party and go the F home. And that’s coming from a card carrying member of the Green Party. That whole organization is falling apart at the seams. Maybe I will fix it in a later episode.

We rounded out the hour with some Oscar talks. We must just not get out to the theaters enough, cause I have not seen a single big contender. Give me some suggestions, listeners. I saw 3:10 to Yuma, and it was excellent. What else from this year’s harvest should I be seeing?I apologize for the Jungle Fever singing. Sincerely.

Don’t forget to check out Justice at the Club at Firestone, coming soon. Get in, get’tained, and let us know how it was.

And enjoy the following hissy hissy tunes in this episode:

• Cobra Starship – Bring It (Snakes on a Plane)
• Bittybox – Snake Eyes

Tags: anything, bastard, bazaar, bittybox, brown, camera, central, chaplin, charlie, chavez, club, cobra, comedy, contest, cricket, dance, emporium, firestone, fl, flickr, florida, free, green, independant, independent, ipod, itouch, justice, mealworm, mouse, music, mysgyn, nader, nikon, orlando, oscar, party, penis, pet, Podcast, radio, ralph, repticon, reptile, s, sanford, saturn, sausage, say, snake, starship, stupid, talk, woman, women, zoo

We congratulate you, as a person of taste, class, and sophistication. We hope you will put that all aside and enjoy the wonder of our new show, Somacow.

We began this venture under a different name, and with a different cast, in a different studio. Lots of adversity has befallen us, including one of our show members winning the lottery and going on to build custom choppers in the Caymans and not answering our phone calls. The changes we have undergone have forged us anew, and we stand now ready to provide you, our listeners, with a wealth of phenomenal internet radio the likes of which have never been heard.

Well, right after we get through this first episode. It was like losing our show virginity again, with Mickey and I stumbling over each other’s cues, flailing away at the following topics:

Mickey has anger issues that often lead to tantrum fits. I consoled him, but I think what I said just enraged him further. He is an angry, angry co-host, and I fear him. I am terrified that he will show me what “The Penis Thing” is, and I simply do not feel the show can survive such an incident.

Copyrighting, in general, is a good thing, but many organizations are abusing their trademarks, causing creativity to become stifled and capitalism to fail. We give a few specifics, and encourage you folks to check out all those Star Wars Parodies. Some of them, especially Troops, slay us.

One of the biggest problems we faced with the show rename was that it is impossible to develop a name these days, seeing as most every letter series is now owned by some upstart company in TwoHams, Idaho. Seriously… Copper Pig media? Steel Rabbits Amalgamated? SynCorn? MADNESS. We selected SomaCow Media, and trademarked the ass out of that. So, please, if you use the name, send us some cheddar. better to be a landowner than a squatter, or something.

We touched on the tragedy up north, but I am not entirely sure we got all the facts right. Lots of people were yelling at us in the chat room, stating that we were mixing up the facts and making a mockery of the situation. This was not our intention, and we welcome folks to set us straight on what went down that fateful night in Ohio.

Featured during the show this episode we had some great music! Check out these bands:

* Fabs – Surfing Safari
* Luck and Trouble – One Hit Blunder
* Cobra Starship – Bring It
* Hot One – Pistol Whip Me
* The Sleeping – Loud and Clear

We wrapped up with the Alec Baldwin Incident, and Mickey refreshed me on parenting. Poor Alec, so hated, and so misunderstood by the world. We know the level of anger a harpy-like ex and her Salacious Crumb Demon Pawn Offspring can drive a man to, and we… well, I, stand by you now in your time of pain. All divorces make men insane.

Please feed us back on what you thought of this episode. We’ll see you on Wednesday with Episode 2!

Tags: alec, baldwin, cobra, copyright, copywriting, cow, episode, fabs, first, hot, internet, little, luck, one, orlando, phat, phoenix, pig, Podcast, radio, rude, show, sleeping, soma, starship, the, the syndicate, trouble