SomaCow

SomaCow Media, Inc, is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by StumbleUpon.Com – Look. They serve up the hits, yo. They’re like internet web page DJs, laying down phat tracks and serving up deep cuts. Skillet.

In this hour, we discuss J’s Gambling Bonanza, Mickey’s Rapidly Approaching Mid-Life Crisis, and Biscuits and Gravy.

J took a trip to the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino near sunny Orlampa, and he regaled us with tales aplenty of the wonder that can be found therein! Slots! For you to put coins in! No, seriously! See, to the casual observer, a slot machine is a simpleton’s game, where one simply hands money to the casino in return for a crappy stool, a watered down Pepsi with rum mist, and pretty lights and sounds! J, however, won DOZENS of dollars at the one armed hand of the bandits!

Mickey has hit the wall, as a man. Not content to have served in the armed forces, overcome the mysteries of nukuler power, have kids, quit smoking and drinking, and all the other crap he did last week, he has now set his sites on obtaining a motorcycle. In Florida. WTF? This state, wildfires and current drought notwithstanding, is the WORST place to have a motorcycle, other than maybe Seattle or Atlantis… I attempted to reason with him, and he seems hellbent for leather, so to speak.

We closed out the hour with a resounding breakfast topic, which holds a place near and dear to my heart, namely my left ventricle. God love the Biscuit. See it for what it is, light and fluffy golden baked deliciousness. Adding gravy is sort of like the gift of sight. Like, if I were given the choice, to help a blind man see again, or give him a bite of delicious biscuits and gravy, I would have to opt for the latter. It’s just that good.

Equally as good, our music this hour:

• Madina Lake – House of Cards
• Sullivan – Florida Queen

Tags: biscuit gravy, breakfast, casino, comedy, Hard Rock, hotel, internet, madina lake, mid-life crisis, motorcycle, music, nuclear, nucular, nukuler, orlampa, orlando, Podcast, radio, slots, somacow, stumble upon, sullivan, talk

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, strangely not brought to you in this hour by IKEA. It’s a known fact that skynet is a pansy, when compared to the SKU tracking system that must be in place at IKEA.

Okay, this whole episode hinges on how freaking big that store is. It’s big. It’s just retarded big (we’ll get into that next time.) When God said, “Let There Be Light” he had to ask IKEA to move. The Vehicle Assembly Building at NASA Headquarters suffers from structural envy when it gazes across at the IKEA store. Bags of Holding do not actually port to another dimension… They port to the cafeteria at IKEA. When Omega Supreme picked up Megatron and slammed him into the moon, he actually slammed him into an IKEA. The Borg actually drove around in a giant gray IKEA. Fun Fact: No one has ever seen an entire side of IKEA in one glance.

So, yeah. It’s a store. I went there. I talked about it. You should go see it, once. Bring food, not just for yourself, but for the thousands of dispirited vagabonds you will be tripping over that were not smart enough to bring their own provisions.

We also discussed the assembly of my daughter’s crib.

I am sure every little girl wants blood red walls, yellow shag carpeting, and a banker’s lamp! Seriously… I need parenting help. Mickey and J are no help, because they hate me. What do you do with a girl? Does she fish? Color? Should I just get her a Wii now?

Normally, I would spend some time here making light of our dear J, as he again committed social suicide this week by catering an imaginary wedding with fake meats for unmet clients in neverwhere. The dude does not have Peter Pan syndrome… He has Lo Pan syndrome. His soul swims in it. And by it, I mean pasty not-go-outsidedness. Seriously, folks. Friends do not let friends get so involved in an mmorpg that they are selecting imaginary wines to pair with the imaginary third course.

Imagine how sad it would be if he hadn’t gotten paid… I mean, he did get paid… Right? What?
I hate him so.

You know who I do NOT hate? These great bands!

• Sullivan – Goodbye, Miss Havisham
• The Flesh – In Paradise

• And a very special appearance by Jonathan Coulton with his song… Ikea . (You can buy the song for a buck)

And Mickey! Make sure you check out the fastest growing segment in internet introspection, it’s life coaching with Mickey at the :40!

Tags: advice, bags of holding, borg, comedy, crib, flesh, god, ikea, internet, Jonathan Coulton, let there be light, lo pan, meatballs, megatron, mmorpg, nasa, omega, orlando, parenting, peter pan, Podcast, radio, shag carpet, sku, somacow, sullivan, supreme, swedish, talk, vab, wii, world of warcraft, wow

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this hour by The Sports Buzz. Check out Ryan and Todd as they run game all day. New podcasts available every Sunday!

In this hour, we were joined by Ryan, prodigy and heartthrob though he may be. He did a decent job of helping us to forget our man-boobs long enough to talk about some serious sports, and we are all the better for it. Ryan gives us some insight into what made him into the man he is today, and we enjoy some discussion on The Really Large Game. You’ll get to meet him as soon as Mickey finishes, “An Incredibly Detailed Introduction Involving Far More Than You Cared To Know About”.

I shouldn’t attack Mickey, as he is sad enough now that his beloved Steelers have fallen. Mickey, who left his heart, half a lung, and most of a bologna and ketchup sandwich in Pennsylvania, insists on the power and beauty of . J feels that the Amsterdam Rapscallions will trounce all comers in the upcoming ballgame of foots. I, personally, heart the Jags, but only because I don’t know no better.

We take out our aggressions on cheerleaders and prom queens in general, in an incredibly angry segment I may make into a weekly bit, namely, “Whores… All Of ‘Em”. Honestly, sound off if you disagree, but I find that cheerleaders are a little too much like a pert piece of trailer trash egging on her lunkhead boyfriend as he beats the piss out of another lunkhead in the parking lot of whatever watering hole they are gracing with their presence that week.

Hey Hey, Ho Ho.

Exactly.

We shouted letters to the following great bands:

The Dark Romantics – Another Song for Another Night
Cesium_137 – Flight
Sullivan – Florida Queen

Tags: 137, big, boobs, bowl, buzz, cesium, cheerleaders, dark, game, independant, independent, large, man, music, orlando, pittsburgh, Podcast, prom, queens, radio, really, romantics, ryan, somacow, sports, steelers, sullivan, super, talk, todd, whores