Posts Tagged “swedish”

 
icon for podpress  147: Manifest Destiny's Child [1:00:48m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this, our finest hour by Mickey’s Life Coaching and Old People Computer Use Help Desk.

The ladies of Say Anything sit in with us for a final hour, which, again, is far prettier eye candy than what we are used to. We start out with something that aggravates us to no end, the end user that can’t use their computer to a meaningful end. That being said, I think I picked up a few thousand “applications” from my last bout of “browsing”. The only thing that is protecting me at this point is Vista’s hostility towards the operation of ANY program, much less scumware and spyware.

Mickey brings up a valid point that NO candidate can hide from the public lens, and will forever be hiding from their past. How prescient (that means “future done seen”, Apopka) of him, considering Hillary Clinton’s current efforts to align her memory with actual footage. I am still praying for a last minute third party swoop-in, saving us from four years of… THOSE people.

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We have no time for politicking on SomaCow, it seems, and quickly get off topic into tongue piercing and oral. It’s the effect of the girls in the studio, I believe.

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As an aside – Hiter was Swedish. Shocking, isn’t it?

Why is America so willing to “take back” Obama? I mean, I like the guy. I had NO problem with him and his racist friends, but I do not understand that whole battered wife/Stockholm “just say you are sorry and all will be fine again” mentality people seem to be approaching this with. Nothing is fine, and glossing this race issue over is just a guarantee that it will revisit with a vengeance in October. Oh well… The Democrats know how to lose an election, and it shows!

Again, why are we talking about Politics during a visit from the ladies?

I think it had a lot to do with THIS (read at your own leisure and peril)

After reading that article, I was in a tizzy. Our society: bankrupt. Our way of life: defeated. A giant fat wet fart and The American Way is On the Way Out. We have to take steps to avoid this calamity, in addition to all the other calamities we are currently facing (Disease, The Housing Market, and Starbucks Coffee).

I had high hopes for Starbucks, as I thought they had clearly identified their problem (bitter, bad coffee, dumb staff, unethical managers, and too many layabouts holding up The Line). So, today, I swung by a Starbucks adorning my local mall and went to get a Venti Caffe’ Americanoeoee. It was god-awful. Bitter and repugnant, I see no change in their corporate behavior evidenced, as “Morris”, the 17 year old cheese-face that poured my Joe, stared at me, thenm stared at the machine, then stared at me, then stared at the sink, then WALKED TO THE SINK AND POURED MORE TAP WATER INTO MY COFFEE. Mmm… Nothing makes coffee taste better than the microbial soup of a dirty sink tap.

Let me be clear, I have no problem drinking from “A” tap. I drink from mine at the house, public drinking fountains… Hell, I have sucked off a garden hose just to feel that cold, slightly dry iron-y mouth feeling. But this sink was a cesspool of spilled beverages, uncleaned canisters, and filthy steam rags. Screw you, Morris. I sentence you to another year of working in a Mall Starbucks under the not-so-watchful eye of Bernice.

Speaking of Starbucks, THIS JUST IN, one thing you can get that’s good at Starbucks? your barista’s kidney!

We continued our topic sprint in an effort to get the girls to chime in, and they finally came to as we did a bit of girl vs. guy trivia. Feel free to play along:

Thanks to Paul Redman for the idea. Next week, Dialing for Dollars, or something. Mickey hates trivia, which sucks, cause he is good at it. at the :40, for my Weekly Constitutional, I reviewed The Bible. It was a complete pantload, mostly about this guy with daddy issues… But – it gave me a GREAT idea for a story. More details later!

For now, simply bask in the glow of the following great bands:

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icon for podpress  140: IKEAd, IKEAd! [1:00:37m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, strangely not brought to you in this hour by IKEA. It’s a known fact that skynet is a pansy, when compared to the SKU tracking system that must be in place at IKEA.

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Okay, this whole episode hinges on how freaking big that store is. It’s big. It’s just retarded big (we’ll get into that next time.) When God said, “Let There Be Light” he had to ask IKEA to move. The Vehicle Assembly Building at NASA Headquarters suffers from structural envy when it gazes across at the IKEA store. Bags of Holding do not actually port to another dimension… They port to the cafeteria at IKEA. When Omega Supreme picked up Megatron and slammed him into the moon, he actually slammed him into an IKEA. The Borg actually drove around in a giant gray IKEA. Fun Fact: No one has ever seen an entire side of IKEA in one glance.

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So, yeah. It’s a store. I went there. I talked about it. You should go see it, once. Bring food, not just for yourself, but for the thousands of dispirited vagabonds you will be tripping over that were not smart enough to bring their own provisions.

We also discussed the assembly of my daughter’s crib.

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I am sure every little girl wants blood red walls, yellow shag carpeting, and a banker’s lamp! Seriously… I need parenting help. Mickey and J are no help, because they hate me. What do you do with a girl? Does she fish? Color? Should I just get her a Wii now?

Normally, I would spend some time here making light of our dear J, as he again committed social suicide this week by catering an imaginary wedding with fake meats for unmet clients in neverwhere. The dude does not have Peter Pan syndrome… He has Lo Pan syndrome. His soul swims in it. And by it, I mean pasty not-go-outsidedness. Seriously, folks. Friends do not let friends get so involved in an mmorpg that they are selecting imaginary wines to pair with the imaginary third course.

Imagine how sad it would be if he hadn’t gotten paid… I mean, he did get paid… Right? What?
I hate him so.

You know who I do NOT hate? These great bands!

  • And a very special appearance by Jonathan Coulton with his song… Ikea . (You can buy the song for a buck)

And Mickey! Make sure you check out the fastest growing segment in internet introspection, it’s life coaching with Mickey at the :40!

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