SomaCow

I have never been great with needles. We know this. It’s been established, here. I can demonstrate this with powerpoint, and with the use of handouts.

Humorous, then, that I have a condition requiring twice, thrice, maybe even fourice poking, stabbing, nailing, spiking, and sharpy-shanking myself with a needle.

Granted, it’s not that much of a needle. But man… I’ll try to explain.

When I was a kid, we went to the local water park, a blue and white pee and chlorine affair known as “Wet ‘N Wild”. Along with all the standard water park fare, your lazy rivers, your slippy slides, your tunnel of stuck fat German tourist, there was a ride called “The Der Stuka”, which roughly translates to “The The Fisting” in German.

The name made sense after you rode the ride, consisting of a near 90 degree drop down a washboard , gradually planing down into a vibratory thunkathunka head-pounding flume. Only then could you began the slow, eventual process of removing your bathing suit from your nether and supernal regions.

This ride was terrifying, and usually riders had to be “helped” into committing to the Plunge.

So the powers that be built a second “The Der Stuka”, equipped with a bomb bay. A cylindrical tube you stepped into, shut the door behind you, and stood in the dark… Waiting.

At some point, maybe now, or now… or now… or right NOW! A technician would hit the button, and the bottom of the cylinder would open, dropping you to your watery up the butt grave below. Great times!

If you are a masochist.

Each time I (or Nurse) aims the stabby needle at my finger, I am again in that dark tube, looking out that filthy plexiglass window, wondering when t-

OW!

…and then the greedy vampire glucose testing strip must be fed. At least it has the decency not to sparkle.

Suck it up, Geoffrey!

I know. I am.

And today is another day between the fences of 70 and 120 for my blood sugar. Little high, I will attribute it to a lack of exercise, since I worked late.

Have a great one, you guys. Those of you with suggestions, encouragement, or admonishment, I really appreciate the support. It means a lot!

Tags: blood, der, diabetes, glucose, nurse, ouch, poke, ride, stab, strip, stuka, sugar, TEST

I have been reading about my disease, figuring the best way to combat diabetes would be with a six-demon bag and a vorpal sword, but, since I have neither, I could try using knowledge instead.

I stumbled across an interesting physiological feature, namely, anger issues are common in pre-diabetic individuals. It seems the topsy-turvy blood sugar game gets irritating to the body, constantly stemming the flow of glucose and vainly summoning insulin that cannot be bothered to show up. Typical Pancrean passive-aggressive behavior.

So, your body, in a pinch, summons that juicy-tasty morsel, adrenalin. The power flows through your veins, and you begin to crush heads, everywhere, ripping out stanchions, tearing off car doors, flinging passers-by into the river.

Or, you yell at your friends and act unreasonable about things.

I am not trying to say my disease caused all of the bad things I have done to others. I am not trying to say pre-diabetes rage made me verbally abuse every service personnel I encountered. I am certainly not trying to say diabetes put that hole in my door.

I am simply trying to put together the facts, pick up the pieces of the puzzle I kicked across the room, and get back to living on the straight and narrow.

And by narrow, I mean sexxxy skinny britches.

Had some stomach pain and nausea today, presumably from the meds. As a good friend on Twitter pointed out, sleeping through the night is fantastic, and I have slept through the night twice.

More on that another time.

Nurse went to bat for me today, and got $40.00 back from the Evil Red Circle. They were gypping me. Here’s a weird thing – My test strips are MSRP around 60 bucks for 50 strips. When you are stabbing your finger sometimes three times a day, that gets pricy, quick.

My insurance will not pay for them, because my insurance wants me to die. Seriously, United Healthcare… how can I pay your outrageous premiums when I am dead?

Nevertheless… IN the package of the test strips thingy, there was a credit card. Nurse called the number, and they activated a “Never pay more than $15.00″ policy. How is THAT? Why even sell them for $60.00? What a bizarre policy.

Earlier, I was insulting to gypsies. My bad. Show me your deviled eggs and dice games, and your wheel of destiny. I will play along.

Tags: anger, aviva, diabetes, gypsy, insurance, rage, strips, target, TEST

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by… SomaCow! It’s our anniversary, and we’re glad to celebrate it with you, dear listeners. Thank you to all of you that take the time to comment the blog, write Itunes reviews, vote for us on Podcast Alley, send us mail, donate to the show, subscribe to our feeds, and join us in the Ustream channel each week. It means the world to us, and we only do what we do for the sick ego feeding your attention does provide us. Thanks for that, truthfully!

In this, our finest hour, we gave away the free iTouch to a lucky listener, discussed Fair Rides, and Yet Another Way We Will All Surely Die.

At last, it was time to give up the goods, and by goods, I mean the SomaCow 8GB iTouch Media Player, which we have been trying to give to a lucky listener for weeks now. The test we set up was grueling, and we thank everyone who participated. Your email addresses are being lovingly expedited to our Chinese Masters, who will surely send you plenty of offers for mortgage enlargements and Nigerian brides. Enjoy, and give all our love to Nboonswa!

We launched into a topic of the Fair, which was in town this week here in Orlando. I personally am glad to have NOT attended, as I am a notorious (sucker) gamesman, and frequently (rarely) win the many games of chance made available on the Midway. We talked about one of my favorite small town rides, namely, the Gravitron. What an incredible comic-book like invention, allowing you to feel a momentary burst of super human strength as you cut a swath through terrified attendees, slamming hot dog carts aside and nerf-tossing popcorn machines. Am I confused, or have you ever felt this burst of sudden strength after riding this ride?

We asked the question, no, not that question, “Where have all the flowers’ stink gone?” It seems that, in addition to the crazy exodus of bees wi-fi has allegedly been causing, now the very flowers are turning listless, their scent a fraction of what it once was. Mickey is presumably all for it, as he sees no purpose in stopping to smell the roses when there is plenty work to be done. Check out his Life Coaching at the :40, spanning the topic of Sticking to Your Guns. Peanut Buttery!

We have a new producer, Ross, and he gives some great notes, specifically pulling quotes right out as they are said. I think, as a new value added addition to the value our show provides, I am going to pop in some of the better quotes at the end of these blogs.

:50 – “I’m the crazy old guy at the crossroads, shouting, “There’s Death that way!”"

Jam to the world coming down to the following dope beats:

• They Might Be Giants – Ana Ng
• Against Me! – Sink Florida Sink

Tags: against me, bees, carnie, comedy, death, elross, fair, flower, gravitron, independant, independent, indie, internet, itouch, midway, music, orlando, Podcast, pollen, radio, rides, scent, smell, somacow, talk, TEST, they might be giants, tmbg, wifi