Posts Tagged “texas”Originally juicing at http://somacow.com
Preposition Game SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Sports Buzz. You can catch them live every Sunday from 6-8 PM. In this hour we took a break from having Hurricanes here in Florida to point and laugh at the people of Ike-besotten Texas, we discussed the use of red-light cameras at intersections, and we struggled to determine if Lock-Ins cause Teen Pregnancy.
Look. I don’t want to get a bunch of mail about this (geoff@somacow.com), but screw Texas. Isolationists, overly tough boys and pasty oil men, setting brush fihres n’ swappin’ spit wit’ a rattlesnake pissin’ onna cow standin’ onna flatrock, come back. I spent this weekend watching tough guys stand on their roofs and beg God, Helicopter, and Boat for a lift out of their self-imposed misery. What portion of CERTAIN DEATH rang insincere to you, Skeeter? I don’t need to stand next to a marginally funny SNL castmember to say, “Geoff from SomaCow does not care about white people“. Cause I don’t. I hope you drowned, and are accessing this blog from a submerged starbucks. Put my balls right on your ghosty chin, dead man. We all struggled with the red-light camera issue. If you are unfamiliar with this pending device rollout, there are thousands of municipalities determining whether to implement a fully automated fining system for vehicles that violate the red light stop line. I believe it is for the best, with red light running fatalities rising each year, and yet there will surely be a massive outcry from the public when they realize just how many of those “yellow-oranges” were quite, quite red. My other question to you is, what are we gonna do with all that money? I’d say a safe assumption for the first year revenue is $85.00 x the number of driving citizens in a given municipality. Almost an extra year of gas tax revenue, yo. Finally, J recants to us a chilling tale of bowling and imprisonment! It was all good, folks, the News Bomb, the laughs, the bitter resentment… Share and Enjoy! We loaded up the hopper and threw away the F Key to the following great band:
SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you this week by the fine folks at Rational Riot. It’s sort of like that Candlebox song, but without all the emotive rocking. Okay. Shocker episode this time around, because we talked about food, and drinking, and rude. We were champing at the bit to get down to Texas de Brazil, and so we raced around. In a valiant effort to get the goddamned subject off of eating for once, we discussed the finer points of shaving. I seriously need to, and ingrown hairs are just plain nasty. What a horrific flaw in the design of man that is, and proof positive that shaving is an unnatural and weird act.
I find it humorous that people consider shaving to be a sign of culture and etiquette, considering the irrational ideas behind such behavior. You pluck hair from a horse, and make lather from alkaline death, and sharpen steel and place it by your jugular… How barbaric. Look… I will shave. I really will. I just have to spread out the time between shaves, with the average being about two to three months. We discuss in this episode what happens if you do more.
We also talked about drunken behavior, and cell phone behavior, and why it is incredibly difficult to not walk over to the counter at seven eleven and pick up the happy yellow coffeepot and smash it over the guy next to you in line’s head repeatedly, until he collapses into a heap of bloodied skin, broken bone, and smashed bluetooth. I’m not violent, but I am willing to learn, you know? Weekly Constitutional focused on Henry Rollins’ The First Five, a collection of his earlier narratives and verse from the 80s. Gripping stuff, and I highly recommend it if you are intelligent and somewhat mad. Then again, you listen to this show, so you are obviously intelligent, and quite mad. Buy the book, support the show, free your mind, eat at Joe’s, and all that razzamatazz. This hour also features the oddest, and most frightening thing I have ever been asked by a listener. I don’t even want to go into it. It’s just… odd. I want to believe the person asking was a woman, and joking, but I am pretty sure that neither was the case. Just go listen. The Horror. You know what would be good to listen to on a Free iTouch, courtesy of SomaCow? The following great artists, THAT’s what. Chicken Butt.
Oh, and apologies to Mickey for the Dane Cook reference. I just can’t control myself. My. SELF. Tags: 7-11, all, all you can eat, ayce, bluetooth, boobs, brazil, can, candlebox, constitutional, cook, dane, de, dirty, drinking, drunk, eat, eleven, first, five, food, free, henry, high, independant, independent, internet, ipod, itouch, junior, meat, music, orlando, outta, Podcast, radio, rational, riot, rollins, rude, seven, sojh, spaghetti, straight, talk, texas, tickle, weekly, wormz, you |
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