Geoff went to the movies this week, the first time since before Rowan was born! He saw Inglorious Basterds, most of it at least. It isn’t that he missed the movie because of the subtitles, no, he decided to show someone else in the theatre who the true bastard was!

Speaking of subtitles, what is the hang up with them? OK, on the big screen it might be hard to take it all in if you are in the first row, but normally your eyes should be able to take in a whole screen and some of the things around it! Otherwise, please get your eyes checked as you are missing some peripheral vision.

I prefer subtitles way over dubbing. If you ever want to see what I mean, play subtitles with the dubbing and you’ll see what you’re missing.

So between movies, the movie Inglorious Basterds, and douches in the Basterds’ theatre, the guys put out yet another great hour of SomaCow!

On the main page of the site, check out OPP (Other People’s Podcasts) and Orlando Podcasts, there’s some good shit there.

Yeah, so Elross hosted this hour! He had his list together as he and Geoff switched places. He had his notes on what he wanted to talk about. His notes must have been like his notes he takes for the episodes! Nah, he did a fine job. It was a little rough for his first time but whose isn’t? I mean have you all tried podcasting? The first time is always the hardest. We are sure that he will improve with time and age. At least he got dressed up for the occasion!

So as I lay here writing the blog for the boys, I do have to admit that this week’s notes took the cake!

Uh huh. Thanks sweetie… I know, you were trying to help me out by getting Ross back but look at who that got turned around on. Oh well, it’s ok. I don’t mind. Keeps my creative juices flowing.

And hey you guys, remember that this week SomaCow is starting LIVE on their new night of Fridays from 7-10 PM Eastern. Won’t you join us at ustream?

So, in this hour, we recapped a bit of the election (we promise not to bore – lord knows there was enough coverage, discussion, and politicking already). We’re happy to be done with it, and moving on to our favorite topics, food, the bathroom, and chicks.

I would like to take one moment to laugh at women. HA!

You guys are just… well… girls. And dumb. And sad. Consider for a moment -
You got the right to vote LONG before black folks did.

You represent 50+ percent of the population, whereas blacks float in the low teen percents.

You have poon, and all the power it entails. You can enchant, ensnare, and entrap men simply by doing… well… by simply lying (laying?  Lie’in, lion) there.

I think the first women President is going to be an accidental president, and you guy (gals) even missed the boat on that one.  This was your last best chance to have a chick slide into the Oval Office, AND NOT BE ON HER KNEES.

Janet vs Janet

Janet vs Janet

You dames could have gone the Hillary route, but Hillary is more Janet Reno than Janet… … … uhm.  Are there any attractive Janets?  Well… yes … of course Janet Jackson, but I thought that would have been utterly confusing with Ms. Jackson being related to an half white pop star.

You now how four years to come to terms with the fact that you chicks hit your buzzer a little too soon, and then let the timer run out, and you have to accept the snarky belittling look from Mr. Trebeck.

I want you to sit there and think about what you did wrong.  Maybe next time you will stop being so catty, and be happy that another person without a swinging meat tube is succeeding in the world.  Maybe next time you will not withhold your vote because SHE has on the wrong shoes.  Maybe next time you will feel a bit of solidarity with HER despite her hair being in her eyes and annoying you.  Maybe the next time the guys allow a skirt to play in the big leagues, you will grab the opportunity and stop being so bitchy to your fellow woman.

Stuff to click on while you listen to the show:

• Janet Jackson’s Ticket Sales…Weren’t That Bad?
• Janet Jackson’s Boob Ruled Not Indecent
• Sarah Who?
• Hitch on Palin
• Obama And The Press
• Flat Screen TVs, Waterbeds … for Cows?
• The Long Republican War on Voting Rights

In this hour, we discussed our respective Independence Day festivities, we remembered our listeners abroad, and the first time we ever got drunk.

Every year I challenge our listeners to take some time here, as our country celebrates its birth, and declare independence from something. It could be as simple as “clothes shopping with my wife” (although, I sort of enjoy that, ’cause I am gay), or overthrowing your local government, or just changing something for good about yourself. But what in your life, today, could you do with some freedom from? This year, I declare independence from AM talk radio hosts. No more Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, etc. The days of listening, feeling my blood pressure rise as truth and intelligence are sacrificed for platitudes and gut noise are gone. If I want to listen to a parody of a human being, I will enjoy some Stephen Colbert, who does a far better and more believable portrayal of such than any of the originals ever did.

My politics notwithstanding, we also want to take some time to thank Seadad, Brent, Brandon, and all our other listeners stationed in the mideast. You guys be safe, and let us know if you need anything. To our listeners, we will be putting together a care package this month to send overseas, so email us moo@somacow.com if you would like to contribute to the pile.

From the sound of things, Mickey and J had a way better time than I did this Fourth of July. Next year, I am getting our Orlando listeners together for a cul de sac cookout and blow stuff up fest. It’ll be huge, as any event I attend is.

Ross is not fired, but he does have to eat ten pickles or something before he may come back.

Chixdiggit – I Wanna Hump You

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• Limbaugh and Stern

There are no bones about it; we spend quite a bit of time discussing J in this hour, and then later we touch on J, followed by quite a lengthy dissertation by Mickey on the subject of J.

J likes riddles, and so, I will simply convert this episode’s blog to a series of three riddles. See if you are smart enough to come up with the answers. Try not to cheat, you silly little Googlizers!

1) – There are at least ten body parts that are spelled in three letters. Can you name them all?

2) – With pointed fangs it sits in wait, With piercing force it doles out fate, Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might, Eternally joining in a single bite. What am I?

3) – I’m a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils
O red fruit, Ivory, fine timber!
The loaf’s big with its yeasty rising
Money’s new minted in this fat purse.
I’m a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I’ve eaten a bag of green apples
Boarded the train there’s no getting off.

So, yeah. Have fun with that!

We talked about J, sure, and then did a decent discussion on Mr. John McCain, who seems to need a rage doll. The man just gets into fits, and we are not so sure that is a bad thing. Better to be angry, but smart, than a complete boob. I am still pulling for Mr. Obama, as he is certainly capable of bringing eloquence back into vogue. Just look at that sentence! It REEKS of vocabulary!

Hillary? Bitch, please. I hate to relegate such a powerful woman null, but the reality is that her very actions have done that FOR her for the last twenty years. Forget all the republican spewed vitriol about “not pleasing her man” and “knowing her place”. I like a strong woman. I just feel that she is duplicitous and does not have the best interest of this nation in her “to do” list. The woman is avarice personified, and lacks genuine empathy. Or at least, that is what I know for a complete fact, having never met the woman, nor spent any real time in her company.

See, that is what I hate about the internet. Four billion yahoos yammering off their fool heads about subjects that they have no idea about. It’s sort of beautiful, isn’t it?

Okay, Heard – We haven’t really boiled it down, but – who do you want as President, and why? What is important to you now? The War? The Economy? The Food Prices? Black Preacher Etiquette? Sound off, and get into the discussion. I want to actually participate in this year’s election, instead of voting the way my wife’s dad tells me to. Let’s hear what you think, and maybe elect the better candidate.

Time Magazine turns 85, and I am lining up to be the first to pull the m’f'ing plug. DNR, all the way. What a travesty, that these people are paid any money to develop news content. I have spent time in waiting rooms, flipping through that particular week’s articles, and actually come away from Time Magazine DUMBER than I was about the subject when I sat down. Misinformation, second hand sourcing, and late-late-late breaking news. Time Magazine is news at the speed of fail.

In fact, we’d be alright with it if someone were to take Time, modern Pundits, and whoever beta tested Vista, and put them in a small room with no windows for a very long time.

Oh, and Ross was booted off the mic for the very first time! Tune in to hear why, as it will probably be an answer in whatever elaborate and unnecessarily complex trivia contest we next host.

You know who DOESN’T have suckers on their appendages? These fantastic bands!:

• All Time Low – This Is How We Do
• Toy Gun Cowboy – 99.9%