Good Friday
Jesus Wrote a Blank Check?
Geoff Writes Country Songs
What To Do for Easter?
NEVER Lead With the Anus
Wet Ampersand Wild
Nutjob Conspiracy FTW
Sarah Palin Rewind
Glenn Beck Parking Scam
Felix Does Trivia
Sex Addicts
Mickey’s Sex Contract

In this, their 400th hour and their first in Studio G, the guys talked about:

Studio G -Thank you to Tommy, J, Mickey, Ross, Jamie, Kelly, Jeff, Xander, Felix, and Gary for all the help getting the garage into an awesome studio! If I forgot you, let me know and I’ll edit this post! :)

The Orlando Shooter

Christmas Decorations

SomaCow Trivia

Blockbuster

Congratulations to Just Bee, the October winner of Listener of the Month

SomaCow Listeners > Other Podcast Listeners

Missing beach season

2010 = New Friends for Geoff

Model Car Building

And the Big Announcement- SomaCow is now 5 days a week via podcast. If you want to listen live, Friday from 7-10 PM Eastern and now Sunday from 10-12 AM Eastern!

In this, their finest hour, they discussed food wait, what? they didn’t really discuss food all that much? hmmm. OK, well they DID discuss what they did manly this week, comics, and condoms.

J was a smartass…to a woman! You all might not know J like we do and yes, he can be a smartass but to a woman? never! Well, now he has so that was pretty manly of him. Mickey put in an a/c unit and Geoff paid for it. The best part of that story isn’t the fact that Mickey and Geoff put a new a/c unit in the Studio-G-to-be, but what Mickey found in the a/c unit!

Speaking of women, which is the better woman (long term), Betty or Veronica? The guys seemed to think Betty was better wife material and then Geoff called me his Betty, aw.

Because of the great conversation on comic women, Geoff decided to let Mickey do the book review this week, of Batman. Well, maybe Geoff needed him to do the book review. But I believe I can promise you that tonight’s live episode should have Geoff’s weekly constitutional back considering the number of read books I cleared out of the bathroom this week!

Men don’t really like condoms do they? Do they expect us to wear those nasty female ones? Yeah, right! I’d like to trust that thing! I guess I understand it dulls the sensation but don’t they want it to last longer anyway? Come on guys, protect your women! Or at least bring a certified account of the cleanliness of your manness to bed with you.

Did you know Cracker Barrel has audio books for rental? You would if you enjoyed the goodness that is Cracker Barrel as much as we do. I never went to Cracker Barrel except for on trips. That was the place you went when you were out on the road. But now that we have one so close by, man that’s some good home cooking!

Congratulations to Elross for actually getting a trivia answer before the chatroom! I think I gave him his points for that…

And happy birthday to J! Today (Friday) is his birthday and tonight we’ll be chastising him, talking over him, and firing him live on the air!

In this episode the guys talk about beefs, small packages, and porn!

You know, having a baby sure does change your life. And I’m not talking about the physical act of birthing the baby, I mean just having one around. You might say “duh” but let me tell you… For the last 9 years, until 4 months ago, Geoff was a night owl. He would be up until 1 am easily watching TV, playing on the computer… I can’t count the number of times I fell asleep sitting up just trying to keep up with him. But that baby…you suddenly have all of these new worries, or, if they are the same worries, they are 10 times more worrisome now… Is the baby eating enough? Too much? How will I pay for her college? Is she happy? Will I lose my job? Who will watch her? Will she take the bottle???

And while I worry about them, Geoff works 60 hour weeks, puts on a great show, and spends as much time as he can with Rowan, all along worrying about the above and 100 other things. I’m glad he worries, I’m glad to know I’m not alone, and it’s good he thinks about these things and doesn’t just shrug things off until the worst happens.The worrying never goes away, though, does it?

So anyway, yeah, I’m using this blog space to type this (what else will I do with the notes I have ha! *wink*) as Geoff has passed out next to me at 9 PM and has to be up again early tomorrow morning. I’ll be sure to also throw his bedtime clothes on.

So in this episode, where Geoff, Mickey, J, and the live chatroom were definitely not sleeping, McDonalds was blamed for the meatpocalypse. Then Mickey talked about his small package and gave us all an update. Thanks Mickey!

After that they went into porn and the Chinese Milk drama. I can not wait to go back and listen to THAT segue!

Most importantly, birthdays were talked about. Who doesn’t love a birthday?? Well, Ross is hitting a big one (not the rolled up or water or gravity style, his age silly) and we hear he is having some kind of get together. Rumor has it maybe some trivia involved? We are so there!

So Ross, Happy Birthday. Despite what the song says, you are special!

And Geoff’s birthday is coming up and we are planning some mega-eating for that one. Check in, we’ll keep you posted on where and when but for now, pencil in Saturday, October 25th for some eating!

And in this week’s Weekly Constitutional (which he really does have to do in the bathroom, when else would he have time?) Geoff laments the fact that his Borders was going out of business. The only good thing? The number of books he got for next to nothing! But it is sad…all the little independent stores are practically gone and now the big ones, too?

What isn’t gone is our great music played this episode:

• Dirty Wormz – Top of the Food Chain
• No More Kings – God Breathed

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In this, our 200th episode, we wrapped up our Trivia competition with Curtis Earth, we discussed our visit to Keila’s incredible studio, and we discussed the beauty of art for art’s sake.

I am still flabbergasted at the results of our Trivia fest. I do not doubt the answers given by Curtis, as I know he is steadfast and earnest. But I am a little distraught as to the fact that he was sitting NEXT to the person that won. Shenanigans? Certainly not Bennigan’s, they done closed up shop. Perhaps just Goings On. I am content to say that there may have been some fierce Goings On.

We bid a fond adieu (for now) to Mr. Earth, who gave us good radio and had to be at some massive party or sales meeting or anything more important than us, and Mickey and I filled J in (ew) on our Friday afternoon field trip. I may start making these a regular thing here on SomaCow, as they help widen my family’s view of the world, provide a nice escape after a week of slogging in the cubicle mines, and, well, they sure do help for show topics! If you have a weird, neat, cool, scary, or just plain interesting place I can visit on a Friday, drop me a line, won’t you please? Thanks.

So, this week was Keila’s Glassworks, a relatively new institution here in Orlando. Leasing space from the City Arts Factory here in The City Beautiful, Charles Keila and his family and staff have carved out a niche in our city quick-like. The purpose of the studio is blowing glass, for sale, for instructional purposes, and for entertainment. It gets a 10 out of 10 for all three in my opinion.

I first heard about Kelia’s while watching The Travel Channel. How’s that for lazy? Place is here in MY CITY, and I have to wait for Samantha Brown to come yapping across the screen before I am aware. No, I was not WATCHING Samantha Brown… I was, um, waiting for Anthony Bordain to come on and stuff. Yeah. We’ll get to her, just you wait.

We called up the place and set an appointment, and inquired as to prices. Depending on what you want, the prices vary as to how much time you will spend in studio, and what you will be making. I wanted the full hog, training, tumbler making, vase blowing, adding on extrys, so I opted for “The Experience“. I am glad I did, because when we emerged, three hours later, soaking with perspiration and creative juices (ew), we had a whole damn shelf-worth of beautiful works of art to show for it. Suffice it to say, it costs less than Disney, but then, so does everything.

We met Front Madame Meg, Journeyman Justin, and Shadow the Apprentice, as the owner was out during our visit, and I could not have been more impressed by their friendliness, competency, and hospitality. Meg got us set up in no time, explaining some of what we would be doing, and Justin and Shadow gave us a complete demo, pausing to explain the process in great detail, and no matter how many questions I shot off, they each responded with enthusiasm and intelligence.

It’s tough to remember all that we did, as its a blur of molten honey-lava, pole cracking, tong squeezing, and laughter, but I do remember these salient points from the whole experience:

1. You really, really have no idea how toasty 2400 degrees is. From the dual fired propane furnace, to the “Glory Hole” (ew), I know exactly where I am heading next time there is a cold snap here in Florida. Justin and I compared shirts afterwards, and, yeah… It’s hot in there. Bring anti-perspirant, and you’ll be fine.

2. You can screw up your creation. From over pressing with the caliper like squeezy things to over or under heating the glass, all the way to picking out a daft color arrangement, you CAN make the beautiful turn ugly, or, at the very least, wobbly. The difference here is that Justin and Shadow were there at all times to swoop in and fix it for you, if fixing is what you need. So nice to have a safety net, especially after 40 minutes toiling and turning a vase.

3. You are not going to create that incredible filigreed super awesome THING in the corner, but you will be amazed at the beauty and realness of what you have crafted. Given time, and opportunity, you will get better. I am thrilled to be learning the basics, and cannot wait to try some more.

In this episode we reviewed some listener mail, discussed my love for Taco Salad at Tijuana Flats, and had in Curtis Earth for some innerviewin’ and trivianatin’!

We get a lot of listener mail, from diet advice to cash donations to cows (seriously, I love the cows, thank you to everyone that sends cows), to coffee to cds and more… But this week was a doozie, with books from Randolph LaLonde for review, dutch hats and shoes, and a special gift from our listener, Seadad, deployed somewhere in the middle east. SomaCow now proudly displays a flag that flew over his vessel in country, and we are honored beyond words. Tune in to our Ustream channel to check out the flag, and help us in sending your thoughts to the troops still stationed overseas.

Since my eyes are already watering, we might as well finish the taco salad recipe. These are the keys to happiness, and I am happy to give them to you. Head to Tijuana Flats, and opt for the taco salad chicken (blackened, if you like that sort of thing), hold the olives, keep the jalapenos (danger!) and add on some refried beans. It’s just soooooo good, people! I would also suggest making it “wet”, which is where the staff cover your dish in queso, but somehow, a salad dripping with spicy velveeta just does not FEEL healthy. It does, sorta, feel squishy.

We enjoyed a visit from a man I really respect here in Orlando, namely, Curtis Earth. If you are a fan of trivia, you cannot go wrong in attending one of his various trivia ventures, or just tuning in to his show here. We get some inside scoop on Curtis, including his sales fashion sense, why and how he got into the trivia hosting business, and we enjoy a quick 10 questions courtesy of his skilled cerebrum. Listeners are invited to participate in the questions in this hour, and we will post hour two with all the answers on July 30th.

We eschewed music in this hour, simply because it was too jam packed with good talk. Fear not, and maybe take this opportunity to visit our band page, familiarize yourselves with some of these great groups, and mail me some requests for the show!

Thanks, as always, for tuning in. See you guys on Wednesday!

I’m referring, of course, to team SomaCow.net’s recent victory in the Gameshow Radio “Titans of Trivia” contest, hosted by Curtis Earth, a man who is to trivia what David White is to old TV sitcom bosses.

I don’t get out much in the mornings, so the drive to the radio station was exciting for me. I passed a strip club whose marquee advertised “Spring Blowout”. I don’t know what that means. I guess I don’t get out much in the evenings, either.

Joining me in delivering the trivia ass-kickery were our own producer Ross, and the flight-worthy Bill, a loyal, if distant, fan. Combined, we felt we outweighed the competition by as many pounds as IQ points.

Our opponents were a trio of punk-ass bitches young men preparing to graduate from Rollins College. Their team name was “Potty Trained” (or something like that), so you get an idea of the high academic standards of that fine educational edifice.

The youngsters chided us for our advanced age, suggesting that we might win if most of the questions were related to vaudeville, The Great Depression, or “tv and film star Kitty Carlisle”. We returned their good natured ribbing by replying that Potty Trained might win if the questions concerned how to pwn n00bz for phat lootz in World of Warcraft, having adults buy beer for you, or “getting your ass handed to you by hot, witty guys much older than you”.

We took our places at the microphones for the first round of questions, which was “mano a mano” (spanish for “mayo with mayo”). Ross did well, I didn’t totally suck, and Bill rocked, too. At the end of this first round, the score was tied at four, sending Potty Trained into fits of celebration “(”Dude!”, “Whoa, dude!”, “Dude!”) accompanied by much heartfelt dapping.

The second round consisted of five questions. Each team wrote down their answers, and were allowed to confer with their teammates. Bill surprised Ross and me with his vast aquatic knowledge, Ross surprised Bill and me with his intimate familiarity with rich guys’ wives, and I surprised everyone by remembering to spray the Renuzit after I used the studio restroom.

When the dust, and my Rooty-Tooty-Fresh-n-Fruity from IHOP, had settled, team SomaCow.net emerged victorious by the unbelievably manly score of 24-9. Twenty-four to nine. XXIV vs IX. Our score was nearly three times theirs. I told them I wouldn’t rub it in. Twenty-freaking-four to a measley, quite feminine, nine.

I thoroughly enjoyed the experience, and hope to go again someday when I am allowed time off from my day job again, which I estimate should occur sometime before the sun swells to engulf the Earth. In the meantime, we plan to send Mickey in to bat cleanup.

We hope to God they have some questions about hunky stud movie stars and Miley Cyrus.

<This is where the picture of us would have gone if Ross had sent it to me>

<Oh, no, wait, here it is…>

In this hour, we strove to present a more marketable product by spending an entire hour saying the word Penis. I am pretty sure that is not what we said at the show prep meeting, but in listening back, yep, we say Penis. A bunch.

In addition to that, we gave a review of Forgetting Sarah Somethingorother, which was a really, really funny movie. I highly recommend you spending the $42.73 it now takes to go to the theater and enjoy the movie. Try to see it with a group, cause comedies are always funnier that way. Best damn movie laughs since There’s Something About Mary.

J regaled us with a harrowing tale of his efforts to eat. J has longtime been a true eatsplorer, and it appears his efforts to consume massive quantities of ribs met with a certain foreign object being lodged in his throat, esophagus, stomach, bowel, and, sadly, our show. Did he live, or die? Check out his News Bomb at the :20 to be sure!

We talked about the best usages of penis in film, barely grazing the surface of this surely exciting topic!

Jesus. I don’t know what to tell you guys. We’ll be back next time with an episode about Harleys, and Boobs… SOMEthing.

If you want to hear a show with 100% LESS Penis, I highly recommend Curtis Earth’s GameShow Radio on 1190 AM here in Orlando. It’s trivia, which, as Cracker once sang, is most assuredly what the World Needs Now.

You know who is better than Cracker?
These fine bands, which we played in this hour!

• Wicker Hollow – Scream Through A Village
• Ethan Lipton – For The Last Time

“Love the Penis” – Geoff

“I’m J, and you’re listening to my Penis” – J

“All the sudden…BAM! Penis” – Mickey

Hi guys! So this was the first week without me, Jen, as the Producer. The guys decided that the pregnancy was making me a little too emotional and me crying in the talk back had proved too much for them to handle.

So they brought in Ross. I think he’ll do well. I had to remind him to write down the music played, and the studio has a bit more of a man smell on Sundays, but I think I pounded home how important it is to hit record! He seems to be doing well. Geoff wanted to give him my laptop so he could interact but then what would I do? So I cried, and they relented, and I still have my trusty laptop to hang out with you guys Sundays in Ustream :)

But hark! Ross is still in training and all of a sudden they are giving him the hopper (yeah, I’ve only been asking to do that since the old days) and letting him talk on the mic!?! I mean what the hell? See here’s the thing folks, it is very well documented that women can multi-task and guys can’t and Ross is a guy and I am a woman. See what I’m saying? Yeah, I thought so. Not bitter!

No, seriously, Ross is going to do an awesome job and I’m going to enjoy spending these last few weeks of my pregnancy sitting in a comfortable chair…or bed…and listening and laughing with all of you!

This year working with SomaCow has been fantastic. Not only because I got to work next to my best friend, Geoff, and my good friend, Mickey, and the lone voice of reason in this posse, J, but also because I love the show and I love to produce. I wanted more time to do things around the house, nest you could say, but I didn’t want to lose the producer position. Somewhere in my mind I pictured me being able to continue doing everything and just adding the SomaCalf into our lives, but I realize as the time draws nearer that this is not the case. So, with a slightly heavy heart but with all the confidence in the world, I have handed this trusty job over to Ross.

Oh, I’ll still be around (you can always catch me on Say… Anything LIVE Tuesdays 7-8 PM Eastern). I have a feeling a proud dad will want to show off his daughter once or a million times so we’ll be close by. Maybe by the pool, but we’ll be listening. Hmm, how old can she be until she shouldn’t listen anymore? Eh, we’ll worry about that later. I’m seriously excited about being a mom. I talked about it some on a recent episode of Say… Anything but I love being a podcaster, producer, my-other-job-worker, wife and I didn’t know how mom fit in as it seemed some of those were being taken away. What I’ve come to realize, is that being a mom is a damn cool thing, and I can still love and support the show, just from another room.

I think my favorite part of producing for SomaCow was being “silent”. It’s kind of like when you’re having sex and someone else is in the next room over so you have to be quiet…it SO intensifies the experience. Do you know how hard it is to try to be professional, and keep levels in check, and write notes for the blog, while also stifling your laughter every 2 minutes? Yeah, it’s hard.

This wouldn’t be a Jen blog without me throwing in a question for you guys. See, I do this when I help out and write the blogs so you’ll comment so… comment! *ahem* What is your favorite SomaCow memory from the last year? What made you laugh the most?

A brief synopsis of this episode…the guys love trivia (listen this Sunday to find out how they did!), there is a guy in the Army being picked on for being an Atheist (and he made a pretty good comment, if I may say so), J said a really funny line about tang and I cracked up (would have been hard to keep silent for that one), The Bible’s in a bunch of languages, religion vs science is discussed, Geoff does his Weekly Constitutional on a classic-Jelly Belly, bowling for boobs rocks as does fat guy olympics.

Check out this music played (thanks Ross for the notes!):

• NOFX – The Separation of Church & Skate
• NOFX – Franco Unamerican

See you all on Sunday! (click on that highlighted word “Sunday” to see where we all meet 2-5 PM Eastern every Sunday)

In this, our finest hour, we discussed The Pledge of Allegiance, the need for versatility in post-modern America, and G4’s Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke.

The full text of what I read at the beginning of the episode, as penned by Matt Groening, is as follows:

I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow,
and to the Republicans, for which they scam
one nacho
underpants
(invisible)
with licorice
and jugs of wine
for owls

God Bless America. Even you bastards that have hijacked it and run it aground with your petty monkey in the middle style politics.

Truly, if we are ever going to succeed as a country, we will need citizens armed with a wealth of knowledge, and the ability to communicate on multiple levels. That is why the SomaCalf Jen and I raise will be well versed in Japanese, Mandarin, Bengali, Russian, German, Spanish, Portuguese, Afrikaans, Pig-Latin, and 3 kinds of sign language. Poor thing will be drowning in flash cards.

I actually did have the idea that we would do food nights as a theme, like, on take-out noodle night, we only speak Mandarin around the table. Mickey and J just laughed at me, and winked knowingly. I think they are plotting something.

Mickey gave us some Life Coaching at the :40 which is always nice, and centered this week on being patient, moving forward, and a really cool idea involving dry erase markers and mirrors. Get up on it!

We closed out the show with a brief discussion of my new obsession, namely, Ninja Warrior and any other show featuring incredibly gifted Asian folks leaping over stuffs. It is amazing to see the difference in culture, as these various fishmongers, ballet dancers, and various government clerks somehow transform into supreme badasses, pushing their bodies beyond endurance without, from a precursory inspection, the benefit of steroids. I find our own American Gladiators pales in comparison, and beseech the makers of said show to step up the game considerably before subjecting us to additional airings.

I cannot stand the Fraggles. I will warn you one time. If you call about the Fraggles, I will hang up on you. If you email about the Fraggles, I will delete you. If you babble in our chat room about the Fraggles, I will ban you. If you sit on the show with me and mention ANYTHING to do with the Fraggles, I will force you to eat vienna sausages. This ends now.

You know who ISN’T pale, gelatinous, and comprised of unknowable meats? These great bands, which we featured in this hour of the show:

• Gran Ronde – Say Say Say
• The Doilies – Lake Wasood