Shit Etchie Has Never Had
Taste Retarded
Ghost Powder
Filthy People
Laundry
Scent
Knive Chat
iTunes Sucks
Stupid Is As Stupid Does
Mickey Almost Invented Twitter
Tail = Con
Hoodwinked!
Economic Recovery Slowed

Wedding/Anni
2012 Sucks
MST3K
Apple is Not Perfect
ForeSkwar
J’s Tweet Bit
Who Would You Take Out?
Newsbomb!
Italiano
British “Food”
Mickey’s Hats
Cap Fail
Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

Summer Break!
Camping!
Peeing Outside!
Watch Your Abortion!
Birthin’!
China!
Kung Pao!
Flash Flood!
Roughin’ It!
Dutch!
Done With Twitter!
Stay Puft!
Megan Fox Has Toe Thumbs!
Tie!!!
Calls from Mickey’s Kids, Grill Mama and Glenn Webber

Geoff and Jen Go to BP
BP boycott?
Oil Spill Fake?
PA Tweet Suit
Info For Sale
Silly Bands
Oil Treason!

Cradle Will Rock review
CarNAYGees
The Vanishing = Moovie of the Week
Media Buy
Magazine Sharks
gamefaqs.com
Your Neighborhood Quarterly
Poop Readin’
howthingswork.com
Yelp! Scam?
Review Site Fail
What the Perogies?
Coffee Snuff
Lindsey Lohan Fake Documentary
Celeb Tweets
Demi Saves Dude

From the dictations of Ross P Montegue Esq.

J’s Weight Loss Dillema
Family Guy Too Far?
Burger King: Flame Broiled Retard Fingernails
Geoff’s CONtarded Assassin
The Ankle Cut Scene in Pet Cemetary (link to Youtube)
Geoff’s A.R.M.
Twitter Saves Studio G
Mickey Looking for a House
Somacow Bank
Put Your Hecking Seat Up
Mitt Romney- Hero
40-G-”We fought nakedly and honorably.”
12 Feet of Mexican, for the Record
Mickey Throws the Hitler Card
Learn American, Yo

Cigar Bar Tweetup w/ Allen
Geoff = Twitter Dead
Five Guys in Your Mouth
Hamburger Mary’s Rules
Wendy’s = Bad Meat
Graffiti Junktion = Frat Party
Stay at J’s
Balls Itch
J is getting his Balls Waxed
Balls Weather Station
Sloppy Joe, Slop Sloppy Joe
All Your Cadbury are Belong to Us
Flashback Food?
Salami Stew
I’m just waxin your balls

In this episode, the guys were missing J for a bit and also discussed:
John Lajoie
Bitching Bosses
Newsbomb
twitter = dead
Shit List
Sanford Orlando Airport Haitian Evac
J in the Newspaper
Hatitian Takeover
Batman Band Aids
Kids Shows
Tom vs Jerry
The UN
Gold Proofs
Fire J, Hire Allen
Google Selling Stock
WalMart Buying Google
Peaceful Resistance at WalMart
Melba the Greeter is a Racist Bitch
Z Sticker Theft

In this hour the guys ran the gambit of topics including:

Tweeting About Drowning
Tiger Loves Perkins. Literally
Mickey = Atlas
Geoff is going to Sea World!
Carnies
Sit to Pee?
Pee Games with J
Poop Talkers
Red Lobster is Back
Making Cheddar Bisquits
SomaChristmas

In this hour, Mickey and Ross recount the NASA tweetup they attended and the launch therein. We’d like to thank NASA for putting on the great event.

We’d like to thank Mickey and Ross for putting up live video of the tweetup and launch, also recorded for your pleasure at our ustream! They also brought us back stuff and great stories!

*We at SomaCow have snopes the story of Mr. Gorsky, but we still like it.

Discussing:

Smokey The Bear

Caller With Impacted Coffee Cup

At the Car Wash

prankerz

Man Moment

Scotch

Never Don’t Slash Forum- Board News + Tom Green Twitter Block + NASA Tweetup

In this episode the following was discussed, or at least mentioned:

Christian Chirp

Ross tests the hopper

Man Things

Soft hits radio, safe for the little ears?

Stryper

1 Ball vs 1 Arm

South Park and acting out after what you saw

Motorbikers

LifeCoaching

Fox News And J

Ale Carte TV

Hulu pay switch

JPP must fire Brian

Net Neutrality

You might wonder why there is a post today, I mean it’s Tuesday! Well, now SomaCow does 5 live hours each week so that means you get a podcast Monday through Friday, every day! So enjoy and join us live Friday 7-10 PM Eastern and Sunday 10-12 AM Eastern, or if you miss any you can get it here as usual, just more often.

In this hour, the guys talked about tweetups (I bet you’ll hear some live Friday night about the one we just had… a litre of Kosteritzer oh yeah), carving pumpkins, and secret societies.

Are you in a secret society? Should the guys of SomaCow join one or start their own?

Want to join our pumpkin carving competition? Check out our forum for details and fast!

Hope to see you all in the live chatroom at ustream!

In this hour, again their finest, the guys talk about vaccines, specifically the H1N1. Are you getting it? Will you give it to your children? This week we talked to our pediatrician and maybe Geoff will update you Friday during the live show with what he said.

I’m so full right now. We went to @SeitoSushi with a bunch of twitter folk. If you have twitter, click all of these to follow! It was great seeing and eating with: @bananakin, @somacow, @orlandojamie, @shaanx, @valerieware, @peglegpug, @sirkyle, @terrorandlove, @elross, @mrselross, @evanzan, @iamgonzilla, @nos48too, and of course all the awesome children :). If you want to follow me I’m @comasowjen. Other people were there but they can comment the blog and let us know.

If you missed this week, join us next week at Willow Tree!

In this hour, the guys welcome back J with folded arms. Geoff was happy though, his return delayed the man segment where Geoff admitted, very manlyly, that he forgot our anniversary. Yep. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I said he didn’t forget our anniversary, he just forgot it was the 8th that morning.

Mickey gave his life coaching segment which he ironicallly disregarded at the end of it himself!

They also talked about some upcoming tweetups. There’s the Bombtoberfest this Thursday and then back to Willow Tree next Thursday! Want to come along? Follow Geoff, Mickey, Ross, or myself on twitter. I’d say to follow J but he never knows what’s going on.

Hey! We’re done with the run. Look up there ^. See that? That is a podcast. Press the play button, and listen. It’s that easy.

In this hour, we discussed J’s sudden utilization of 20th century technology, we talked up a good man segment, and we took a call from Carter, who has a cool deal going on over on his blog.

If you were doing it, where would you go, and why?

I’d have to hit it up as a food tour. New York for Bagels, Philly for Cheesesteaks, Tennessee for Whiskey, Charleston for Tide Food, Bawston for Seafood, Alaska for Crabfood, Vegas for Buffets, San Fran for Takeout, St Louis for Barbecue, Georgia for Barbecue, Texas for… Nevermind, I would never willingly set foot in that godforsaken mess. The point is, I am envious of Carter, for seeing an opportunity, and running with it. I hope he has a hell of a time, and gets some good talk fodder. Maybe we can look forward to some updates over the next few weeks.

Meantime, J is terrifying us all. He has a phone that can access email, he posted on Twitter, he has a Facebook, and I can only say that this must signify  that all of those mediums are as dead as disco. Shame, I was enjoying Twitter, at least.

We’re happy to be back to what we love, talking with you. Feel free to swing by our forums, and check out the studio build as it plugs along! I need to go pick out some carpet. Thanks!

You know, there is so much going on right now so I’m going to take this time to highlight a couple things that are going on and maybe clear out my head.

You may have heard of this little thing we’re doing called the Cure for the Run? Well, it’s finally here! This Saturday we are doing it! Anyone in the Central Florida area (or wanting to visit said area) please come on down! We have an awesome time set up and the free 3 Olives drink is always a plus. We’re doing this all for Rock For Hunger. We’ll have water stations, local celebrities, a raffle, special prizes, and great company.

Have you seen our TV promo about it? You can here!

If you can’t be there but would like to make a donation, please do so at either the site or straight via paypal to somacow@gmail.com and either way just mention the Run or “donation”.

And our good friend Peglegpug is planning a “sweetup” which, if you aren’t aware, is a sweets tweetup! If you don’t know what that is, join twitter, follow me (@comasowjen) and I’ll explain. It’s looking like our good friends at Winter Park Photography are going to do the hosting for this sweet sweet get together.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, after you listen to this episode of SomaCow, get up and do something. Preferably, get up and do something with us!

So it’s no secret by now, but if you missed the video of our own Mickey and Ross invading PTG’s karaoke night with their… rendition of Total Eclipse of the Heart, then hie you hence hereabouts and watch it up, won’t you?

I am home with a sick little one tonight, the miasma of baby toss and baby wind surrounds me. I decided to catch up on some TV, but after watching Colony, all I have left is More to Love. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

In this hour, we discussed Beards, Waitress Flirting, Karaoke Rules, and Scams.

I saw on the news that teens do not use twitter anymore, nor facebook, nor myspace. My only question is, “Where did they all go?” So we can find out and go make that place lame, too.

I am supposed to be at a Tea Tasting Party right now. I sure hope I can make the next one. I was hoping I could use it for my man segment this week on the show. There is nothing more manly than a two cubed Ploughman’s with an assortment of fragrant and fragile scones with clotted cream.

This blog is somewhat disjointed, because I keep looking up at More to Love. They are ALWAYS EATING. The guy is such a douchrhetoric spewing machine.

I still have not shaved. Need to before tomorrow, cause we is gonna be on TeeVee! YEE H A W !

We had peaches this week from EricathePimp. They were pretty damned tasty.

You know how you have all these bones in your foot, called metatarsels and tarsels and tartar sauce and what not? In my big left toe, after the second to last joint, I have no bone. Just powder. I crushed it walking my Siberian Husky, Isis. Lifted my leg to step over a concrete tire-stop in a parking lot whilst barefoot. BLAMMO. The podiatrist said, “That’s the weirdest thing. You have no bone.”

I have mad bone.

I really hope Mister32 did his manchallenge this week.

Now these fat women are saying “He is my soulmate!” The guy is a fat REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER. No developer has a soul. Silly fat women.

Gotta go, baby is making Linda Blair noises again. All my love!
Oh, and it means “Turn Around, Bright Eyes”. It’s episode 360, duh!

In this, their first hour, the guys talked about tweetups, charities, and many fat subjects!

On Thursday night, we went to a tweetup hosted by Orlando Sentinel’s Etan. The first two of these events had large numbers of folks. This one didn’t have as many but the weather was easily to blame. I’m not sure about others but it was my favorite one yet! There were still at least 50 people there, but it wasn’t so huge that you felt overwhelmed. At previous tweetups the groups were sometimes so large that you could find us sitting off to the side with our known friends, chatting it up. This time, while we did still take up a good 3-4 tables with our friends, we also easily mixed in with others and chatted it up. Geoff got a few “pony” drinks with some friends he hadn’t seen in a while (as you can see in Thursday night’s blog), and we got the word out on the Cure for the Run.

Speaking of tweetups, Felix of Prime Time Geek had a karaoke tweetup Friday night after the SomaCow live show. We had big burgers, beers, and some singing. Jamie from The Experience said that neither Felix nor the guys of SC could beat Nos in a karaoke sing-off but I think she might be eating her words. You can see Nos here and Ross and Mickey here.

We came up with the name of our charity even fairly easily, easy considering the wit of these SomaCow guys, but some charities have some unfortunate names for their events. Or maybe it was planned that way?

And to prove that Geoff and I are watching less TV, they talk about the new reality Bachelor who loves fat women show we started watching. This led into discussion of fat shows, fat fighters, and “let’s be nice to fat chicks” week. Um, guys? Shouldn’t you be nice to us every week? Just saying…

I can’t believe it’s only a few weeks until the Cure for the Run! If you can swing by our facebook page and RSVP, it’s an easy way for us to get a good idea of how many are coming. If not, shoot us an email from the website or let us know on the forum. We want to make sure we have ourselves covered!

You know, it’s Father’s Day and even though the guys don’t talk about being dads until hour 3, I’m taking over the blog today.

The guys do talk about our ice skating trip, paper towels and toilet paper, pizza, buying things from door-to-door salespeople, twitter games, SomaCow t-shirts, Other Peoples’ Podcasts, and more food.

But I’m writing this for Geoff so it’s all up to me.

You know, buying things for Geoff is difficult. This isn’t a “look at me” but just want a little sympathy :)

So what DO you get a man who buys what he wants as he wants it? He doesn’t need or want new technology. He doesn’t like getting media as presents so no DVDs, books, music etc.

Well, I got him a tree. It has meaning so hush. And I also wanted to put together a DVD for him of Rowan’s first year. I thought about doing this way back 6 or 8 months ago. I started saving the videos and putting them on my “My book”. I started going through them and, if they were good, put them in another folder. This may sound simple for some, but it seemed like every time I got a few minutes, something else came up!

I really wanted to do this on my own (put the video together) but was down to just throwing them all on a DVD unedited (about 2 hours of just raw footage) or talking to a friend for some help.

I have to thank Kelly (@peglegpug) and Jeff (@banankin) for all of their help! I mean besides doing the recording and then uploading them for them, they did this all! A video for Geoff of Rowan and her first year.

It would mean the world to us if you would look at it, share our happiness. It’s only a few minutes long. And thank you again Kelly and Jeff!

The video can be found here.

But finally, I’d like to thank Geoff, the father of my baby. Of course I wouldn’t be Rowan’s mom if if weren’t for Geoff. But I want to thank him. He supported me through a completely unmedicated labor. He was there for the two weeks prior when I was having contractions every day. He was by my side during the birth and after. He stayed up with me while I was trying to feed Rowan in those first few weeks and has continued to support my feeding her now. He worked harder and longer so I could cut my income to stay/work at home with Rowan (and still does). He shows Rowan everything he does from cooking, to swimming, to turning on and off the computer. He reads to her, he dances with her, he loves her. I could not have hoped for a better father for my child and I think you, Geoff, for being my baby daddy. I love you!

In this, our finest hour, we discussed Bad shoes, Bacon lasagna Fail, and we hark the Harold Anal Gel regarding a holiday of such stupendous splendifferanimousacity, I just don’t have the words.

It’s almost Mickmas, kids, and that puts us at SomaCow in a giving mood. So much so, that we have gifted YOU, the teeming masses of the Heard, with an opportunity to own some cotton! I am talking about T-shirts, people. They are on sale, they are nifty, and you can buy them here.

Mickey is aging again, apparently. I know this will sound odd, but… I have now known Mickey for, like, 9 years.

He doesn’t change.

Like, okay, you know how he is always dieting? HE NEVER LOSES WEIGHT. And it’s not that he is fat, cause he never GAINS weight. He doesn’t age, his voice doesn’t change, his skin, hair, eyes, demeanor, style, and the cut of his very jib are the EXACT SAME as the day I met him.

I am starting to think he might be a T-1000.

So, what do you buy for the man who thinks he knows everything? I’ve been on the horns of this dilemma since ten minutes ago, when my wife leaned over and said, “hey, it’s Mickey’s birthday soon.”

Do I go full man, maow maow man and buy him something for his bike? His truck? His gun?

Do I go sentimental, and make him a scrapbook of all the great time he and J saw eye to eye on a matter?

Do I get him a pony? A hooker? A hookah? A snapdragon? Peas? A Tattoo? A Dog?

I know this much… He does a lot around this website. The forums, the files, the audio uploads and clean ups, the whipping of the Production Staff, the flogging of the Hopper, the fighting of various and sundry virii, the drafting of graphics, the forming of ideas…

Christ… What do EYE do around here? Besides bitch and blog poorly?

http://www.twitter.com/somacow – +1 point for every positive tweet you send his way about him. No cap. Make sure you use the hashtag #Mickmas

If you have a Mickey in your life, hug him! Let him know how much he means to you!

SomaCow is brought to you by the lovely ladies (and we assume dudes) at Adam and Eve Dot Com. Hit them up with the promo code moo or follow this link to take 50% off most any item, receive three free dvds, and a special gift from Adam and Eve.

In this hour, we talk about gas explosions, I defend Dane Cook, and we discuss the best weapon to defend against Zombies.

In review of Mr. Cook’s most recent twitter postings, I will have to rescind much of what I said in this hour. I also may have been drunk. Dane is a whore, pure and simple. A funny, witty, charming, talented, rich and sassy whore, but a whore nonetheless. If by whore I mean guy who gets paid to talk. Which I do. Which explains my lack of fulfillment whenst frequenting whores.

Yes. I said whenst. Hush.

My book review centered on Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story, and I asked our listeners to come up with a fitting Paul Harvey tombstone epitaph. Epigraph? Polyglyph. Something. Anyway, here are a few made thus far, +15 points to each, for being creative for the sake of being creative.

You now know what the show is about, and in a minute you’re going to read the rest… of the story.

Page 2 – If you are a listener of the show, and want to help us out, please throw up a link on your own website. Points, would follow.

It was a sweltering heat, that spring of ‘53, when Mrs. Stroll realized that the moment was upon her. Long had she borne under the load all women must. Hers had been an especially difficult pregnancy. At times wracked with hunger pains, she had been forced by craving, and women’s intuition, to diet exclusively on enormous martinis and creamed corn. Her midsection grew quickly since that autumn, swelling beyond the hope and use of cloth and fabric.

She was determined to have this child naturally, partly from her upbringing, but also due to the mind boggling poverty within which she and her kin lived. They say that the road ain’t no place to start a family, but Tennessuckey could also join that dubious list.

Her time was spent listening to old comedy shows, reading aloud what few words she could make out from a discarded Sherlock Holmes comic book, or describing a wood-cutting of a hirsute Indian Maid (Woo Woo). The baby within, ever larger, would cease his turns and twists and cuddle down, restful for a spell.

But no such remedy would work this day. She began fretfully pacing the yard, an old wives tale spoken to her once said that the best solution for birthing pain is a brisk pace, and she set one that day, working in the yard, skinning and tanning leathers and filling mason jars with bear grease.

The baby gave an especially fast flip inside her, and she let out a holler, in her holler. She stumbled about aimlessly for hours, rolling in the grass, moaning in pain, even climbing trees. She sat in one such tree and began reciting the alphabet.

She had made it to the third vowel when she sneezed.

The townspeople still talk to this day, of the sight it must have been. From all accounts, what took place was surely extraordinary. The baby flew free from his mother, still perched atop her tree. He sailed through the air, landing smartly upon a stretched leather hide and bouncing once, twice, thrice, before landing head first into an open jar of bear grease.

He would want us to mention his name.

This is SomaCow. Good Day!

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by SeaDad. Take a moment, and reflect on all that he and soldiers, seamen, and such do to make our lives less explosive every day.

In this hour, Mickey gave us some Gulf War Stories, we talked for a few moments with twitter.com/beachbeat (Who still insists that she is NOT Drew Garabo calling in with an Orlando Magic halftime report, and we each provided our Manly Thing of the Week.

Those of you that know Mickey know pain. Wait, no. Those of your that no Mickey gnaw pine. Crap… The guy is just…
Okay… You know how there is a river, or better yet, a creek? Or just a puddle. Yes. A Puddle.

So there is this puddle, and it is just sitting there. Maybe it has a dull sheen of what could be motor oil or Arby’s Roast Beef Rainbow Juice resting on top of it. So, you engage this puddle, and it sucks you in, and traps you forever in a mirror realm where conservative ideas seem sound, dogs are vile and to be avoided, and calculus is easy. Oh, and the puddle is deep. Like fathoms. Crazy deep. You get down there, and Captain Nemo is all like, “Whoa, this be deep, yarr” and you stare at him, cause he isn’t supposed to talk like a Pirate, but this is Mickey we’re talking about, and shit like that just happens. And while you are entirely sure you are not drowning in this puddle, you are still offput the entire time you have your face down there, cause it’s just not what you are used to. In this hour, we get a glimpse a bit deeper into Mickey’s Puddle. I mean, the dude sat on a nuke and pointed it around the ocean, and says it was, “kinda boring”.

We’d like to thank Beach Beat for calling in, and apologize again for any confusion. Essentially, Ross is on the social media sites during the show, pimping, hooking, and acting a lot like Cheech Marin outside a Mexican Burlesque Bar, roping in passers-by and generally selling what we are doing inside. It’s enough to make me consider employing a phone screener. Maybe we can have a Beach Report next week, helping us to find the best place to stay this summer.

I’d also like to thank the boys down at Just Brakes for getting my car running again. It was expensive, but from all accounts, the same work at my dealership would have been thousands, and I am happy to have paid what I did.

Ross’s Manly segment wins this week. Peeow! PeeeOW!

Thanks for listening, and remember to save the date for August 22nd!

In this hour, brought to you by HealingRoni Pizza Delivery, I came to a startling realization.

I had just kicked a key member of my show off, and it wasn’t J!

I was struck with the situation, namely, I had just sent Ross packing, he was already out the door, and I knew I had made a mistake. One of my greatest failings (there are many, stick around and try to make a list sometime) is that I rarely consider motive when I am upset. I am great at looking at the world through detached eyes, calmly surmising people and their actions and determining why they do the things they do. Or at least, that is what the tests I took on Spark told me in the nineties.

But when I am angry, miffed, peeved, slighted, insulted, chagrined, embarrassed, threatened, irritated, or pissy, all I see is red. I acted in haste, seeing Ross as out of line, and now what the hell was I going to do? For the first time in SomaCow history, a new show did not start at the top of the hour. I went out of the studio, and found Jen.

She was shocked, confused as to why things had gotten so serious, and she said Ross was already gone. I walked outside, with Mickey and J close behind (it was an opportunity for them to have an unscheduled smoke break, maybe?). I looked down the U of my street, left and right… No Ross. No car. Did he walk? How the hell had he vanished so quickly?

I knew I needed to call him. If I let it go to tomorrow, the bones would set that way, and there would be no repairing the damage done. I whipped out the iPhone, and immediately scanned Twitter.

“it just got real. ON Somacow. – ELROSS”

Well what the hell did THAT mean?

I called Ross.

“Hey, Ross?”

“Hey”

“Where are you?”

“Driving”

I was rapidly losing ground. I knew that if this call ended all jilted and stilted, I’d have to side with my ego, and began the laborious process of walling myself off from Ross. I played back the last year plus of our friendship. Ross and Gary, Ross and Halloween Horror Nights, Ross in a suit atop a bar in downtown Orlando, Ross at my garage sale, buying comics for the kid, and really just assuaging my wife with her pregnancy fears. Ross at dinner, Ross talking to me about impending fatherhood, Ross giving advice on Birthing Centers, Ross giving advice on B4D, Ross shoving us to a tweetup, where we met great peeps. Hours of Ross, handling production, getting guests in and TFO of the studio, calling shows pimping SomaCow, bringing over snacks, bitting with J, giving me shit about smoking because he doesn’t think I should die, Ross at Target, Ross and his many and varied Beard Competitions, Ross Ross Ross.

I couldn’t let him go. So I hatched a plan:

“You can’t leave. There’s Pizza coming.”

I know he saw through it. Mickey, J, Ross and I had a moment, there in that driveway. Why do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw all the sudden?
In this hour, we discussed the Tweetup at Eden at the Enzian, chatted with Etanowitz of the Orlando Sentinel, talked about gay bars, and patched hearts.

In this hour, we celebrated two years of phenomenal, swollen, and delicious podcasting. I did not know back then what the show would evolve into, but I like where it is going. One of our listeners has recently decided to go back and listen to the first 100 episodes of the show, and upon taking an earful of that… Holy Johnnycakes, man.

There is a significant difference from what we did in 2007 versus what we do now. In the past, I would rant and rave about THE THOUSAND INJURIES suffered at the hands of society I had borne, Mickey would tell long-winded stories about Steel, the Navy, Georgia, moving from Georgia to escape Steel and join the Navy, hating and loving the Navy while serving on a Steel boat and glad to be rid of Georgia, and Boobs. J would sit in silence, watching our furious back and forth and occasionally coughing between News Bombs.

Now, the show is a snap whiz sheboingo of  me ranting and raving about perceived injustices great and small, Mickey telling long winded stories about Alloys, Georgia, and his service in The Military. J now has a cough button, and he talks over us more. Oh, and we added Ross, a polarizing producer and twitterer extraordinaire that does a fine job of whatever it is that he does here, because it sure as hell isn’t making a decent cup of coffee.

I am really not kidding. Everyone remembers “the incident”, when he salted my drink seconds before a show, then played innocent, stating that he thought a giant container brimming with white crystals beside the coffee maker would contain only sweet minerals. This time, he tokes his way into my kitchen, Bob Marley music humming in his head, and ladles spoiled cream (like, spoiled in March, and this is April) into my java. The dude is trying to kill me. I thought it was his way of “trying to get me to get my own coffee”, but, the weird thing is that he ALWAYS offers to get it for me. Lord knows how much Rosspittle is floating in my stomach by now. Freak.

So, yes, we’ve morphed, changed, and continue to become whatever it is we are. I lose weight, Mickey starts drinking again, J is a rock, never changing, always late, and Ross is coming into his own as content contributor and host-poisoner. It’s fun, this show!

Our new Studio G continues to be constructed, with the electrician scheduled for this week, hopefully to be wrapped up before Friday. Hope you have enjoyed the last two years. Without one missed show, always fresh content, three days a week, 52 weeks a year, even on Holidays.

Did you use Napster? You pirate, you, Arrrr. If you haven’t already, check out this.

SomaCow, we may be funny or sad, we may be interesting or dull… But we are, at all times, consistent.

And persistent.

And perspiring. Seriously. That studio is an OVEN.

In this hour, we take time out to apologize to our listeners, each other, society at large, puppies great and small, heteros, and any gypsies we may have misaligned. It isn’t really our fault, we’re just large that way.

J’s Newsbomb picked up a sponsor! Foofa’s… ermm…. two way petting zoo? Okay, maybe that was a lark, but I hear tell next week the Newsbomb will be sponsored by… twitter.com/ihateelross? Jesus! I guess we can make our fortune off of listener vendettas… Why not?

We have a lot to be sorry for, between blathering about points (oh! That reminds me! March’s giveaway is in just a few days, so if you are going to make the cut and win the $50.00 from Amazon, you might want to get to it asap, pdq, rtfn, etc.) to dodging Ross’s tale about his dead aunt. I know we will find a way to fit it in this week, Ross, I promise!

If you know of a way Mickey can apologize to our listeners for his purporting of a false rumor regarding gasoline prices, please let me know at moo@somacow.com – I know he does not want to pump gas in a puffy paint shirt. Maybe he can just clean windshields, or install extra ram, or blow on soup to cool it for you guys. Just say the word, cause Lord knows we aims to please.

Our new forum is swollen with members, 50 joined on last week, so if you want to discuss topics we talk about here, or your own individual unground axes, swing by and log in and get wordy with it. I look forward to hearing from you, and really appreciate everyone that has joined up already. Thanks!

Our middle hour this week included various newspaper discussions, magazine discussions, and manly man discussions.

The guys, and all of us live listeners (and now you), were graced this hour by a call-in from Willoughby Mariano from the Orlando Sentinel. Willoughby reports on homicides in the Orlando area. She takes a more personalized approach though, talking to families, friends, really finding out what happened. On top of all that, she turned what we thought was going to be an off-color question by J into an off-color answer! She’s a cool chick. Her blog is here, and you can follow her on twitter, too! Read, and comment on, her blog, it’s at least helping keep newspapers alive, even if online.

Mickey is tired of Maxim, which keeps coming to his door even after the subscription ran out. But they do have celebrity interviews like with Clive Owens, right? And then there’s Monica Potter who, according to J, looks incredibly hot in one picture and fugly in the next (been a while since you’ve heard that word huh?). Geoff also points to Izzie Stevens from Grey’s Anatomy for being the same. What celebrity do you find hot yet not?

And the guys end up talking about their manly man moments this week an hour early. I guess Geoff just couldn’t wait to tell everyone how he moved out the old nasty funk-filled fridge to the curb AND beat the doors off of it! The other guys…well, J had a dogfight…that’s not bad. Mickey licked keys and Ross was beaten up by a con (have you seen his beard?). Hmmm, looks like these guys might need to do some man searching before Friday!

Mickey’s life coaching, as always, words to live by. Never give up.

Enjoy the episode. I know I did. I’m off to help my daughter with her new fascination of getting me to put her up on the couch and then slide head first back off of it. Fun times!

OOH! Speaking of fun times, we have a new forum! Join up if you haven’t already so I can give you your listener leaderboard point.

jen

Life is supposed to be enhanced by technology, made easier, made tolerable – Where we once looked to fire to chase away the darkness, we now sit, bathed in the glow of a wall of LCD, plasma, and backlit nonsense, awash in the noise of the masses. Your children are texting you while you drive your car down the highway, trying to find the nearest Popeye’s on your GPS and fiddling with your satellite radio receiver in an effort to turn down the sound so you can better hear the voice prompts coming from the car’s computer indicating the proximity of an object in the road, but your wife is calling on the OnStar and you might as well pick it up because she just changed the online order she placed for you to pick up and you will need to clear out some space to pick up your kid from the Tweetup on the way back from 21st Century Digital Boy Scouts…

Jesus the F Christ, people. We need some quiet time. Some solitude. Some place where we can go and just decompress, and we are not talking about the bathroom. Well, I do, but only for a bit.

Where do you unplug? Where do you unbluetooth, un3g, unhook and just shut her down for the day? The Beach? Not anymore. The pool? Why, look at these wifi speakers and pool safe cell! It’s endless, invasive, and will be the downfall of our species.

I read a story by Mr. Bradbury (Ray, we called him, back then), concerning a subject who had had enough of the ever-advancing noise of technology.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Murderer – Warning, plot thief, just go buy Golden Apples of the Sun and read it.

See what he did there? How much longer til we are drowning in the sound, the sensation? Imagine when advertisers gain the right to announce sales directly to you via your car?

“This stretch of Highway 41 brought to you by Crest! Your teeth are hideous, and women will not kiss you without some Crest!”

Think I am kidding?
The episode isn’t preachy, it’s fun, and I review a self-help book a good friend introduced me to, by the name of Choice Theory. We will dig a bit deeper into the surface of this whole concept in later episodes, so feel free to acquaint yourself with some of the basic ideas in this hour. It’s not been life-altering, just…. horrendously informative.

Thanks, as always, for listening!

In this hour we discussed Orlando’s Tweetup, which was a pretty good initial effort, with 100+ attendees crammed into a bar, laughing, talking, and desperately seeking drinks. Thanks again to Etanowitz of the Orlando Sentinel for setting it all up.

I am not kidding… I met way too many people to list, so I will just randomly toss links at you to enjoy as you listen to this episode:

It was nice to see PeakArts again, and he and his lovely significant other (whose blog you can see here with pics) gave me some sweet keychains containing his art. I hoard them now, but you can swing by his site and check out all his stuff. Got to meet some new neato folks, like:

Ms. Fitzpatrick, of Metromix, who covers music, bars, and clubs downtown here in Orlando.

SirKyle, the shootingnest twitterer I have ever met.

Carlos, of CLOS Photography – He was in radio here in town, then went out and did some TV work, and some campaign work for President Obama.

Marc Middleton and crew of the GrowingBolder.com group were there, shooting video and covering the event. Want to see me on no sleep mid-Atkins? I warn you, it’s scary, but Marc and his Team are not. They are doing great work, and I hope to hear more from them often.

A dude that just travels the entirety of the Earth named Chuck Welch. He lives in Lakeland. Hush, RSilva.

C_Lane, local musician and bar crafter extraordinaire, who may be operating on even less sleep than I.

I spent an incredible few moments talking with a very tiny, very energetic momblogger who threatened to make Mickey and I the best latkes every crafted by a mom. She and I spent a few reminiscing on Ye Olden Orlando and rapidly tossing out food ideas, and I really wish I had more time.

Jen Cook, our News 13 ticker goddess.

The legendary Tom Sorrells, natch.

Plus people from CNN, local internet misfits, Elross, a guy that works in sound engineering who may be able to isolate J’s nasal whine so we can remove it from future episodes, etc… It was pretty awesome.

We sort of flew the flag on a possible April Tweetup involving The Ravenous Pig. Apparently, according the mmsmddsnjdnhe, if you go there on a special day once a month, they cook an entire pig roast dealio. Do not believe Mickey and his strange, awful fetal pig stories, it sounds like it is a really good time.

If you were at the tweetup, and want to post your link to your stuff, please do so in the comments for this episode.

And if you are NOT local, and frankly could give a crap about Twitter, we also talked about a buncha other stuff, and in the next hour, we talk about food for like a whole week. It’s awesome.

We talked quite a bit about our sushi charitywater.org tweetup, dubbed the Unofficial Twestival. For those of you that do not use Twitter, basically a bunch of short-winded creative-types got together and drank and ate. It’s what humans do best. Mickey and I had a blast meeting cool people, and J is more than a little miffed that he “wasn’t invited”. Since I have now spent two whole paragraphs vaguely referring to our NEXT meetup, let’s see what he Eeyores about next week.

So, we talked about our new Twitter friends (seriously, Peakarts.com, people), and took a call from Etan as he boarded a flight to stand best man for his brother in Atlanta. By the end of our show, He had messaged that Atlanta lost their luggage. Like, the whole plane? What the hell is going on these days with the airlines? No cash, no maintenance, shoddy customer service, paying for baggage that they then lose… If you aren’t leaping continents, next time, consider driving. I did the math, and if Etan spent 1 hour in traffic to the airport, 1 hour getting through baggage claim, 30 minutes taxiing, 2 hours flying (cause the damned airlines ALWAYS fly slow now), 1 hour claiming false-baggage, 1 hour standing in line trying to find out why his stuff was lost, and then 1 hour assumed getting from the airport to where he was heading?

That’s like 47 hours. It only takes 8 to drive to Hotlanta from Jamlando. Look it up, money.

We also enjoy the company of Iceman in studio. He’s overcome with our twitter nerdocity, and saves his chances for ever getting laid by a member of the opposite sex by remaining quiet for now.

If anyone has been to the Ravenous Pig, do let me know more, would you? Thanks!

In this hour, we discussed The Chris Factor, a strange phenomenon we’ve noticed here on the ‘Cow, namely, all of our listeners may, in fact, be named Chris. There is Chris from Sebring, and Chris from Delaware, and Chris from Missouri, and Chris from Louisiana, and Christina from Jersey, and Chrisman from Palm Bay, and…. You get the idea. We are drowning in Chris’s, for Chris’s sake. Not that it is a bad thing to have a bunch of listeners… Hell, we are thrilled ANY time we get contacted from listeners (email moo@somacow.com) – We just think it’s… Odd.

We chatted a bit about The Covered Dish Directive, namely, “What must one do in order to properly return a dish once laden with treats given by a neighbor or friend?” I am shocked at the lack of reciprocation some of us seem to feel is warranted. I ask you – do you return an empty dish? If you do, you are an empty dish douche, dude.

We got heated after that, throwing invectives and curses around while talking up meatloaf (ketchup? Please.) We discussed the next (Feb 19th, 2009) Orlando Tweetup at Scruffy Murphy’s on Edgewater, and we all recanted our manly activities. It was awesome, you should listen, and comment, and bask in the free audio intensity that is SomaCow. It’s Beefy.

In this episode we discussed how much we all love the Brady Bunch.  It was a heart warming show that provided hope for the many people that suffered from shattered lives due to deaths of moms, dads, husbands or wives.

But that really isn’t important right now.

On Twitter, I engaged in a conversation about how to fix our economy.  After rattling off a few ideas, we boiled it down to hot chicks.  Hot chicks are the key, the solution, the drips and drops we need to fix our country’s shattered economic Brady Bunch.  Inspired by the cleavage of Miss Jenny Love Hewitt, we feel that a chorus of hot chicks (with well exposed cleavage) should sing a song in the style of USA for Africa, begging the world for money.  It was also suggested that the clan of cleavage be sent to the United Nations and have them politely ask, while leaning exposingly forward, for the rest of the world to send charitable contributions to our economy.

Face it, if you are a guy and you see cleavage, you stare.  If you are a lady and you have cleavage, you enjoy the attention.  I have never met a woman that honestly said the sentence, “I didn’t realize my shirt was that low cut”.  You knew.  You planned it.  You designed it like that.  You drank all night for free.

If cleavage wasn’t such a big deal, the wonder bra industry would be dead.

I am not bitching here.  Not by a long shot.  I am a big fan of cleavage.  If I could put cleavage on a bun, I would have it for lunch every day.  Atkins diet be damned!

Here’s a secret:  Women have the tools needed to rule the world.  But like Luke when he first gets his light sabre, women do not know how to weild it correctly.  In one of my life coaching classes that is offered at the Mickey’s Life Coaching Academy, we cover this subject.  Some students may require excessive tutoring, but it is so worth it.

One day people will listen, the chicks will be recruited, the money will be raised, and the economy will be saved.  And when all is said and done, we have Jennifer Love Hewitt to thank for it all.

Oh, complete side notes:
1) It is DOWN Periscope.  (Not UP)
2) It was Jesse Jackson that called New York a “Hymietown” (Not Al Sharpton)
3) Twitter is a useful tool for promotion
4) Avast! is a great, FREE, antivirus program.

Some links to interesting things that are sort of on topic:

• Jennifer Love Hewitt is still single, and still not hot! (music-juice.com)
• PETA Sends Dieting ‘Brady Bunch’ Star Vegetarian Starter Kit (ecorazzi.com)
• Growing Up Brady (mollygood.com)
• Howard Stern Questions Marsha Brady About Her History of Anal Sex [FNFF] (gawker.com)

In this hour, J returns from his lengthy bout with Captain Mick’s, the full-body flu all members of SomaCow Media suffered last week. J’s bout was especially daunting, as he is 95% hairless (you really should see the shine on his cankles), and needed extra time to find a big enough pot…. er… vat within which to make his chicken noodle soup.

We also paid Ross off for his Super Bowl bet, allowing him to sit in on second chair and run the Hopper. Run is a strong verb, as you will see listening back. I know the Hopper can be daunting, with it’s unnecessarily complex sub menus, treed file structures that build in no understandable way, and thousands upon thousands of Sports Buzz drops, but surely he could have loaded one break correctly? In retrospect, I do not believe he could. Super Producer Ross, every day.

Speaking of The Sports Buzz, we wish Ryan well as he goes to graze on sunnier pastures, returning to his roots in a studio at CSB. You guys can still check him out in his own Ustream starting next Sunday. I was really down about losing Ryan, until my Slap Chop and ShamWows arrived late Saturday afternoon. I have spent the last 24 hours slap chopping nuts, celery, banana chips, dog food, apples, oatmeal, garlic cloves, pineapples, small stuffed cows sent in by listeners, and the occasional radish. It’s fulfilling work, and, I really do love his nuts. Cashews, specifically.

Listeners will remember that I had what I believed to be a kidney stone, but after visiting the Doctor (a for realsies Doctor, not some homeopathic with doctorish tendencies) this week, I learned what I really have – namely, five months left to live. We discuss what my road to recovery must entail, and it turns out Mickey was right. Per usual.

J’s Newsbomb at the twenty contains a very special moment where he regales us with what has immediately been deemed by our live audience as the most offensive grouping of words ever uttered aloud on the internet. Our apologies to those mentioned’s families, as well as the Waffle House, and society in general. We can only attribute J’s offal to the fact that he is still swollen with flu and batter dipped shrimp.

Mickey and I try to talk about oil. It’s sad. Maybe next week, I can ask my question.

We round out the hour discussing Improv, one of J’s favorite forms of comedy, and try to nail down plans for an improv party. I used to go to SAK labs in Orlando to watch local up-and-coming comediettes perform, and was frequently left wanting more. I think the reality of improv is that in order to really succeed, you must make a gay joke, a gay reference, or insinuate that you or your fellow players is gay. Consider Whose Line is it, Anyway? – The only times a Ryan Stiles or a Greg Prooooobst ever really shined was when they were intimating that something going down involved buttsexery. Prove me wrong?

We also got to jam out to a second helping of Whistling in the Dark, courtesy of Ross and his spectacular pointing and clicking. My wife enjoyed it, at least.

Next week, we may have our worst movie party (having already screened TUCM, I cannot imagine that J’s pick will be worse – A homework assignment for you, loyal members of The Heard – What movie is just so awful, so bad, so rotten, that it cannot be sat through? Email, comment, twitter, facebook, whatever. You know how to get a hold of us. Thanks!

It’s been a good run.  282 episodes of self aggrandizing pattings of our own backs.  I’m just as surprised as you are.  I just bought a brand new set of headphones.  I had to go with the lower cost SkullCandy HESH style.  I wanted the new Dr Dre Beats headphones, but our sales staff refuses to sell our show to advertisers, and thus, I do not have the 350 bucks required to pay for Dr Dre’s fantastic sounding headphones.

This all kind of sucks.  I just invested some money in more ram, a few more hard drives, and updated software.  I walk into the studios and BAM!  Geoff hits me with the announcement that podcasting is dead.  Not our show, just the whole “industry” and “genre” and whatever of podcasting.  All of it.

I blame the PC movement.  Not the Mac vs PC crap, the Politically Correct pansification of America.  5th place trophies, straight B honour roll, and the “make every child feel good” kind of PC’ism.

Add in the YouTubers of the world who have absolutely nothing good to say about anything, ever, and you have angry, school shooting, starry-eyed, uber-optimistic kids who do not know their own limitations.

Poor Timmy just cannot add.  Shh, don’t tell him, he may cry.

Well, you know what Timmy, you suck at math.  You also suck at photoshop.  Stop it.  Close MS Paint, shut down your computer, and walk away.  There is something you might be good at, but this ain’t it.

Singing badly should not make you famous.  So stop trying to sing She Bang.  It’s a shitty song regardless of who is singing.

We spent quite a bit of this hour discussing the deliciousness of Bacon. I am okay with that. It needed to be done.

What I was not expecting was the massive outpouring of Bacon feedback. Our inboxes are overflowing with all things chewy, salty, savory, and grease-soaked. J is reportedly ecstatic. Mickey may smile.

Allow me to take this opportunity to share the sheer Baconicity of our Listeners, with links aplenty for you to snarf down. Happy artery hardening!

http://bacontoday.com – This handy li’l gem comes from MalibuPJ, consisting of a full blown daily digest of all things Bbacony. It’s chock-filled with recipes, true stories of Bacon-Justice, and plenty of meaty articles. She points out the TurBaconducken, which is a mouthful in all senses of the word. Yes. Turkey, duck, chicken…. All lovingly wrapped and rendered in the sheerest, shimmering Porquoise.

http://bacontwits.com – The Greatest Tool for the Twittering Public, Ever. Glenn Webber clued us in to this. It’s a fast paced world in which we live today, and sometimes the more sizzly, important things in life get lost in the shuffle. With BaconTwits, missed BaconTweets are a thing of the past, as the site lovingly reproduces any and all messages containing the delicious five-letter term for happiness. Join in the conversation, as hundreds, nay thousands seek to do the impossible: Convey their love for Bacon in 140 characters or less.

For The Love Of Bacon – Noelle Carter, Los Angeles Times – Never to be outdone, BGDLE, ChrisP sends us a crispy portal that leads only to madness. Salivate with me, then, if you will, to the concepts of a Apple-Bacon Coffeecake. Too sweet? Then cleanse thy palate with a savory Bacontini. I am not making this stuff up people. This is REAL, this is Elementary dear, Elementary, Watson, Elementary, aaaarrgghh!

There ain’t nowhere to run. Bacon will have us all. So I say it is time. A few people have tried it, but we need to do what SomaCow does best (following great ideas through to their realization) and celebrate a full international Bacon Convention.

That’s right, people! BaCon, 2oo9! Let’s make it happen!

Imagine the possibilities!

We could have BacOffs, where competitors armed only with a pan and a gas flame struggle to achieve the perfect ratio of fatty to lean cooked Bacons.

Ba-confit (Frenchy!), where high-minded individuals seek to create Baconsserts (delicious Bacon-desserts, designed for wine pairing)!

BaCongress, where a council of elders works to answer the great Baconundrums of our generation: Is maple flavoring a good thing? Should people that like their Bacon burnt be ostracized, or is any lover of Bacon welcome at the table? Just what IS Fatback, and how can we get our hands on some of it?  Is Bacon from Canadia REALLY Bacon, or is it just ham?

Oh, the ideas are spattering in my brain-pan, baby. It almost hurts.

We, the three wise men (and Ross) strive each week to bring gold, BACONsense, and Mirth.  We’re doing it live tonight (Friday) at 7pm eastern.

I need a friggen drink. See y’all tonight, Live in the Ustream!

Bacon Related articles

• Turbaconducken
• Bacon Art
• Chicken, bacon & asparagus rolls
• Mr. Bacon Pant’s Ultimate Bacon Gift Guide
• Top 10 Bacon Gadgets
• The Bacon Flowchart
• Bacon – UnWrapped
• I Heart Bacon

In this hour we talked about returning items, gas prices, and Christmas presents.

Geoff took back a monitor that suddenly just quit on us. Epic fail. What was great about this monitor was the instructions telling you to “push the power button on” but there was no power button! I swear! I think Geoff didn’t believe me at first and he and his whole workplace was having a big ole laugh-at-Jen party but I was happy to watch him come home and say “hmmm, there’s no power button”. Yeah, I was right but I didn’t rub it in. So he took it back to Target where we purchased it a few weeks back, sans receipt. Target used to be the best place to return things but I guess people took advantage of that and now they are the worst!

The guys also splattered in some talk on pick up lines, twitter and the sudden media frenzy that has come with it, and good ole Spuds Mackenzie. Remember him? Yeah, you’re old.

Don’t forget, when gas prices are under 1.00/gallon, that you heard it hear first! Don’t worry, you won’t forget, Mickey won’t let you.

And Christmas presents. Do you buy them for everyone? How long is your list? Have you ever had the “let’s make something creative (and cheap)” year? It’s the thought that counts, right?

So, I went shopping at Aldi. W E I R D. I will discuss on the show what happened while we were there, suffice it to say I pissed off a stranger, had people clap (no, not that kind of clap), and found… The Strangest Foodstuff Ever.

Have I ever told you people how to follow us? Simple, really.

– Mickey

- Geoff

- Presumably, J

- Ross

- Jen (who actually writes half these blogs)

There are also our various Facebooks, MySpaci, and lord knows how many email methods. The point is, keep in touch, yo. I know a lot of you folks get down come the Holiday Season, and we here at SomaCow simply want to make sure you know we are here. For you. Should you need us. Yeah. Should you need us.

I gotta go sing real slow.

Hey! First email to geoff@somacow.com telling me what is missing in this episode wins a prize!

Yeah, so Elross hosted this hour! He had his list together as he and Geoff switched places. He had his notes on what he wanted to talk about. His notes must have been like his notes he takes for the episodes! Nah, he did a fine job. It was a little rough for his first time but whose isn’t? I mean have you all tried podcasting? The first time is always the hardest. We are sure that he will improve with time and age. At least he got dressed up for the occasion!

So as I lay here writing the blog for the boys, I do have to admit that this week’s notes took the cake!

Uh huh. Thanks sweetie… I know, you were trying to help me out by getting Ross back but look at who that got turned around on. Oh well, it’s ok. I don’t mind. Keeps my creative juices flowing.

And hey you guys, remember that this week SomaCow is starting LIVE on their new night of Fridays from 7-10 PM Eastern. Won’t you join us at ustream?

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you by insert your show name here.

In this, their finest hour, the boys put out the call, talked about quitting smoking, and did some impersonations. Fine, indeed!

So SomaCow is ready to expand. No, not our bellies, but our catalog of shows! Right now we have, of course, SomaCow. We also have The Sports Buzz, Just Push Play (whenever they aren’t at a convention), and Say… Anything (when they aren’t getting new jobs, having babies, moving…). So while we have a nice little variety of shows, we want to get more. We all know you have stuff to say, you definitely let us know here, live on Saturdays in chat, on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and email! So what kind of show would you do? Would it be just you? Advice? Music? Chat on your favorite hobby? Let us know, become part of our family.

After this call out, Ross decided he wants to do a show so be sure to tune in this week as the guys give him a chance at hosting!

Of course what would 3rd hour be without… you guessed it… Hulk Impersonations! Now was it The Incredible Hulk? Or the other incredible Hulk Hogan. Guess you’ll have to listen and see.

Geoff is trying to quit smoking. I am really so proud of him. I know that he is trying to be healthier for himself, me, and Rowan. I really know he was willing to try anything when he agreed to try out a laser clinic

While it might not have worked completely, I do have to say that that first day he was very pleasant! (even if he was sleeping away most of it). So what methods have you tried to quit smoking? What have worked? What have failed? We know very few people who have actually successfully quit. My dad is one of them. He just stopped one day. He didn’t tell anyone, he just stopped. He had smoked for 40 or so years and poof, gone. He is also the only honest one I have known who said he still wants one every day and he’s not smoked for over 10 years. I quit… I got pregnant though and while it was physically tough, the emotional side and elation of being pregnant made it pretty easy in comparison. I think I’d go back if it wasn’t for her and us nursing but I hope that I don’t go back when we stop… guess we’ll just have to get pregnant again!

Geoff’s Weekly Constitutional this week was on John Hodgman’s new book, More Information Than You Require… which you can get here! And while you are there, check out John’s site. Fascinating stuff. We love this man! And his books are great, from cover to back cover, to back cover inset to front cover inset to back of the actual hard cover of the book and all the pages in between.

Thank you all for being such great listeners, I know the guys appreciate it. Keep those comments and emails coming. We all love doing what we do and we love to hear how much you love what we do!

Stuff to pass the time until the next episode of SomaCow:

• The PC guy on love and space aliens
• Tila Tequila switches from Yahoo spawn to Mac guy [Celebritards]
• Barack Obama: New US President…Digitally !!
• What am I Missy?
• A Visit To The Marvel Comics Headquarters

(There will be a picture later.  I am having network issues at the facility and if it wasn’t for that horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.)

—Okay… fixed the network, fixed the A/C, fixed the other issues… so here is the Album cover for Episode 241:

In case you are wondering, that is a plate of Bacon.  Juicy, crispy (not Chris-P), tender, delicious, tough, hot, juicy, meaty, crunchy… just like grandma… except the delicious part.  And the juicy part.  And the other juicy part.

The chick and I moved across town this week.  Again.  Since we have been dating, this marks the seventh move (together or separate) that  we have done.

“Pourquoi?” you may ask.  I’d probably respond with something that seemed funny at the time, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have said it… like… “Ain’t gots no quois, but I can pour you a tequila… kyooo kyooo”.  Then I’d feel dumb and awkward because you didn’t catch the joke, and the joke wasn’t worth the time to eplain it or repeat it.

Then you’d as, “No, but why have you moved so much.   Seems excessive and wasteful.”

Ok… here’s a run down.

1) Breakup with live in ex
2) Apartments went condo
3) Chef Scott secured a sweet pad downtown.
4) Stepping up to cohabitation (aka living in sin)
5) Chef Scott secured a sweet house with a pool
6) Chef Scott moves out.
7) 20 hours a week, and countless gallons of gas wasted traveling to work.

So, we moved.  We called Apartment Movers.  Actually we called (The Chick) almost every moving company in the book.  There are 2 ways to move.  Hourly rate or Point System.  Hourly Rate is where they show up and the clock starts.  The clock ends when the last dollies are on the truck and the truck door is closed.  They also add on some travel time.

The point system is where one box (regardless of size) is one point.  One point costs about 4 bucks.  Ten boxes, forty bucks.  Couches are about five points.  Pianos are ten.  The Chick estimated that she had about 120 points worth of stuff to move.

The movers were late.  They were pissy, and they didn’t want to move our shit.  On top of that, The Chick had a slight underestimation.  We actually have about 2,987 points worth of stuff to move.  My office came it at about 7 points.  The rest of the stuff is hers.  (She will not survive the apacalypse too well.)

The lady that took the estimate wasn’t that bright.  On top of everything else, she told us (The Chick) that it was cash only. Any business that is “Cash Only” is a sleazy, “something ain’t right” style endeavor.

When the head pissy mover started huffing and bitching about the overage, we (The Chick) told him to keep going.  And then The Chick bolted because the cable guy was coming to the new place.

Did I mention the movers were late.  Like, an hour and a half late.  They gave a window of 2pm to 4pm, and they showed up at a quarter to six.  That will fuck up your day.  That is an entire down and back, pack and unpack trip.

Eventually we ran out of dollar bills, and the movers stopped loading boxes.  Boxen?  Boxii?  Sheep?  THey headed over and bitched the whole time.  Not outright angry redneck girl bitching.  It was more like the pissed off waitress who still wants a good tip style of bitchiness.  You could actually hear the guy biting his lip.

The Chick owns some heavy shit.  She has 14 crates of books.  That was after the big cut back/book burning barbecue we had this year to trim back her collection.  She has a solid gold couch.  Everything she owns is lead lined… or seems to be.

Long story short cause I need to run… Apartment Movers suck.  Jen and Geoff are wonderful friends.  We need to unpack.

And we talked about Bacon in this episode.  A Lot.

Added bonus:  LINKS.  Not Sausage links, just internet links.

• I Hate Moving
• Nightmares in Moving
• I Love Bacon!
• Bacon + Mayonnaise = Baconnaise (And Heart Disease!)
• Making Bacon Brownies
• I Heart Bacon T-Shirt from No Star Clothing
• “We’re bacon people.” “Does Obama eat bacon?” “He will eat the bacon.”

Ross came in a little late this week but all he missed in the notes was some talk about him…being late…

But we don’t blame him too much, after all the night before was his birthday party where trivia and beer abounded! He came in and jumped right on his job and then handed out beer. That took away a bit of the pain of him being late. Good call, Ross! Geoff, Mickey and I (not J) got him some funky beer from Total Wine which is a mecca of alcohol! Thank god for dear friends having birthdays so we could check out this place. And thank god for those dear friends sharing it with us.

Speaking of dear friends, we sure do miss the hell out of one big bastard. Come home lil doggy!

Have you ever had sun tea? It’s a tradition… or a staple… what is that word? Well, we do it here in the south! You take tea but instead of making it inside you put it outside… in the sun. My mom used to do this all the time but I didn’t like tea at the time. Why don’t northerners make sun tea? They still could, for a few weeks each August? I guess we just do it more often here since we can do it all but a week in January and a week in February. And in other things the south just does better (yes, I’m trying to rile you all up, come on Yankees!)

At Ross’s party we had a thing called a rib nibbler. They were little bite size chunks of rib (bone-in) and they were GOOD. I didn’t try the ribs but from what I hear these were better than their specialty of baby back ribs! They didn’t even need any dressing.

Speaking of dressing, Paul Newman died. I’d say it was bad that current generations knew him more for his salad dressing but he has stated that he enjoyed that more and he made more money for it so good for him! We did lose a good liberal in that man though. RIP Mr Newman.

I thought I had finally found something to pick on Ross for as there was no music listed but then I remembered from listening live Saturday from 1-4 PM Eastern, that there was no music as we had a twitter pal of Ross‘ call in! Thanks for the great call Mister32.

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• Farewell Paul Newman

So this week I was asked, “What does Ross do exactly? Cause it looks like he is just on twitter the whole show?” And, being the supportive friend that I am, told them that he has to watch levels and take notes so that Geoff (or I) can write the blog!

So as Geoff has fallen asleep right before rollover. I made sure he had his bedtime outfit on and jumped online. I pulled the infamous green book down off the shelf and on one page, triple spaced, are the following notes from Ross.

“Paper Towels Masturbation Chat”. Wow. That sounds painful guys! I mean I have heard of tissues, maybe even a nearby towel, but paper towels??

“Deoderant Choices Mickey’s Bust”. Now, I know that Mickey is a self-proclaimed sweater but has he really gone so far off the (Atkins) wagon that he now has moobs that require that oh-so-fresh protection? Ew.

“Mickey’s Rumor Paying Off McDonalds”. So we are all trying to be part of the solution.

And Mickey is taking the profits and paying off McDonalds? Maybe they were keeping his moob secret a…well…secret?

What wasn’t a secret is the music played this hour:

• The Gaslight Anthem -  The 59 Sound
• Dearestazazel – Sex is a Sin

“I heard a rumor that gas prices would be one dollar per gallon by March of 2009!”

In this hour, we discussed Dinner AND a Show, the dispirited nature of cynicism (whatever), and we began our long, heralded path to the glory of the FatManLympics.

Ah, eating, and watching local actors ply their trade, forced into various stale settings, made to speak lines that shove the plot and the house red wine down the patrons’ throats, giving their very best in the sporadically dim spotlight, casting their various and sundry pearls before so much blue haired swine. These, these happy few… What the hell is wrong with me? Anyway, TCTMID had a birthday at Capone’s here in Orlando, and that got us to talking about the many different dinner theaters here in town. Do you have such places near you, and are they grand, or hideous? We’re considering a SomaCow Outing at Medieval Times, or somewhere else, per your suggestion. I really just want to see J get attacked by a falconer.

We also talked about the rise of the internet cynic, a common theme on this show. For too long people sit and stare at their screens, artfully selecting the perfect chemistry of typeface and lack of punctuation, delicately aiming their dart of derision into any form of creative creation. We’re sick of seeing it, from Youtube to Fansites and everywhere in between. If you cannot add to something, you should end your life. Or, at the very least, spend less time with things you hate. Or just come here. We’ll always have you, you cute li’l hater, you.

To tell you the truth, I forgot much of what else we discussed (I think I reviewed Duma Key by Stephen King, with Elross, but that might have just been an undigested-blot-of-mustard-inspired dream). What REALLy matters is the FatManLympics! We need events, we need sponsors, and we need black unitards (they’re slimming)! We’re nailing out the details even now, so if you have an event you would like to see J, myself, and whatever other fat men we can muster compete in, speak up, son. Sound off like you’ve got a pear.

I, personally, cannot wait for the Totino’s Party Pizza Snarf.

We munched on the following great bands in this hour:

• Gogol Bordello – Alcohol
• Go! Motion – A Broken Argument