SomaCow

Originally hitched at SomaCow.com

In this hour, we discussed Estonian door-to-door sales shmucks, our manly things of the weeks, and we took a call from The Uberbastard, Chris, in response to my dilemma of etiquette.

Still no idea how to proceed with that, by the way. Anyone know how long it takes to get to Miami?

I have been trying to determine if a man, man, man gets married, lately. Mickey is currently single, and enjoying the bachelor life. He sleeps where, when, and with whom he pleases, eats when he is hungry, has a stellar couch and TV, and so forth. These trappings are all man, man, man.

I, however, spend many a day talking to the baby, helping to pick out some cute bowls at Target, and discussing nutrition.

J spends his entire life picking up and returning things to Pier One, Sticks and Stuff, Thom McAnn, Claire’s, Kohl’s, Macy’s, etc.

It would seem marriage is a giant emasculation sham, and shifts men from “Self-Absorbed Hunter” to “Gopher and Cuticle-Trimmer”. Maybe this is why married guys convert their garages to “purposed” rooms.

Tonight I want to go see the Perseid Meteor Shower. It is certainly a thing I would have done when I was single, no questions asked. But now I need to weigh it against,

“Do I want my kid out in all those mosquitos”"

“Should I be asking my wife to sit up with me all night when I usually have to throw water on her to get her to stay awake through 10:00PM?”

“Will I get enough sleep to be functional at work tomorrow, so I can continue to pay the mortgage?”

“Have I got baby-safe mosquito repellant?”

“What about the dogs? All three in the car seems like a pain”

“Where is a safe place to park, off someone’s land, away from all light sources, yet not in a swamp, yet with a clear view?”

“Better make sure the phones are charged in case there is an emergency”

“Should I take the pack-and-play?”

“What if everyone gets hungry? I should make up some food, but I need a cooler, and ice.”

“Should I bring a sweater for Jen in case she gets cold”

“Do we have folding chairs anymore? Where the hell are those things?”

“Have I got all the baby wipes, diapers, gripe water, orajel, balmx, aveeno skin cream, tissues, toys, and sippy cups?”

“Have I got a back brace, in case Jen gets randy?”

Oh. It’s already 5:00 AM… guess I missed the show.

I probably should not screw up my family’s sleep cycle just to go watch rocks fall out of the sky. But I am. Weird.

Tags: baby, bachelor, comedy, etiquette, internet, meteor, miami, orlando, perseid, Podcast, radio, sales, shower, somacow, southwestern, talk, uberbastard, wedding

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow brought to you this week by O’boys and Curtis Earth Trivia. Two great tastes!

Ross came in a little late this week but all he missed in the notes was some talk about him…being late…

But we don’t blame him too much, after all the night before was his birthday party where trivia and beer abounded! He came in and jumped right on his job and then handed out beer. That took away a bit of the pain of him being late. Good call, Ross! Geoff, Mickey and I (not J) got him some funky beer from Total Wine which is a mecca of alcohol! Thank god for dear friends having birthdays so we could check out this place. And thank god for those dear friends sharing it with us.

Speaking of dear friends, we sure do miss the hell out of one big bastard. Come home lil doggy!

Have you ever had sun tea? It’s a tradition… or a staple… what is that word? Well, we do it here in the south! You take tea but instead of making it inside you put it outside… in the sun. My mom used to do this all the time but I didn’t like tea at the time. Why don’t northerners make sun tea? They still could, for a few weeks each August? I guess we just do it more often here since we can do it all but a week in January and a week in February. And in other things the south just does better (yes, I’m trying to rile you all up, come on Yankees!)

At Ross’s party we had a thing called a rib nibbler. They were little bite size chunks of rib (bone-in) and they were GOOD. I didn’t try the ribs but from what I hear these were better than their specialty of baby back ribs! They didn’t even need any dressing.

Speaking of dressing, Paul Newman died. I’d say it was bad that current generations knew him more for his salad dressing but he has stated that he enjoyed that more and he made more money for it so good for him! We did lose a good liberal in that man though. RIP Mr Newman.

I thought I had finally found something to pick on Ross for as there was no music listed but then I remembered from listening live Saturday from 1-4 PM Eastern, that there was no music as we had a twitter pal of Ross‘ call in! Thanks for the great call Mister32.

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Tags: Academy Award, baby back, beer, birthday, comedy, Cool Hand Luke, curtis earth trivia, dressing, elross, internet, Joanne Woodward, mister32, Newmans Own, north, o'boys, orlando, paul newman, Podcast, radio, rib nibbler, Salad, somacow, south, sun tea, talk, tea, total wine, twitter, uberbastard, ustream, Westport Connecticut, yankee

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Steak and Ale. If you still have a good set of teeth, and your rest home allows for it, it’s the place to BE!

We host the black flag this morning here on SomaCow, as we bid adieu to our dear Uberbastard from the State of Florida. Rare and strange is the sort of fast friendship that I have developed with this man, who drips with sexcasm and sardonicry with every word. Consider this a “Cautionary Tale of Woe” to you, dear listeners… If you know a large man with a big heart (not an enlarged heart, a big heart) that likes to drink and crack wise, take him out now and fill his giant, saucy belly with booze and his ear with camaraderie. You only get so much time in the Sun of a Star like Uber, people, and you really should soak it in while you can.

So, Goodbye to you, Uberbastard. May you find whatever it is that you need in North Carolina. See you in 2 years, tops. No one gets out alive.

J and I are losing weight (50 lbs between us so far!) and Mickey is terrified of losing his status of “Show Hot Guy”. I actually gained all of this weight to keep the constant stream of hoors off of my doorstep, and am interested to see what will happen this time around. Gotta drop the pounds fast now, as I only have 100 days until my daughter arrives. No one wants to be dropped off at school by FatDad.

We talked about shopping, and revealed Mickey’s dark shopping secret. I wonder if he ties a nice pink ribbon in his hair before entering the grocery store.

Paper or plastic? I never know now. It used to be paper, cause plastic was chemically and bad. Then it was plastic, cause you could recycle the bags, and paper kills trees. Now it’s cloth, but that has to cost something somewhere too, right? I remember reading that cotton fields were bad for the environment or something. From now on, I say we just drag an ice wagon behind us. Better hurry home, before your groceries are all over the sidewalk.

Mickey and TCTHID do not eat together. I gotta do something about that. There is a bond that occurs between a man and his woman when they sit in silence and listen to each other chew.

Check out J’s newsbomb, as it was my turn this week to derail him. I took the camera in our Ustream and directed it at his neck fat, only to realize, HE HAS NO MORE NECK FAT! The man is svelte, ladies… And single (hubba hubba!) By single, I actually mean married.

The Russians blah blah blah. Screw them potato drinking pansies!

We played the following fantabulous musics in this, our finest hour:

• Former Fat Boys – My Side of the Tracks
• Yves Klein Blue – The Street Light

Tags: ale, alternative, bag, blue, boys, carolina, dad, eat, fat, florida, former, fossil, hoors, independant, independent, internet, klein, music, neck, north, orlando, paper, plastic, Podcast, radio, russians, satellites, shopping, somacow, steak, together, uber, uberbastard, ustream, yves