SomaCow

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by The Kingdom of Loathing, log in, create an account, and get on top of the best thing on the internet three years ago… Seriously, it’s a hootNANNY!

In brief, I’ll attempt to explain. We at SomaCow worry about people that play the World of Warcraft. Hundreds upon thousands of hours are dumped each year into a glorified, shiny, and incredibly neat sounding game of “fetch”. Proponents of WoW can argue until they are Night-Elf-faced in the face, but that really IS all that their pastime is based on. Go here, collect this, bring it there. It’s pizza delivery-level interaction, and we demand more.

More high-resolution, lifelike graphics? More ethereal, soul stirring music? Not so much.

Kingdom of Loathing takes everything that is good about the mmorpg universe, and churns out a dizzying level of depth, humor, and high adventure, all for the low monthly price of free. Seriously. Free. You pay nothing. I mean, sure, if you donate ten bucks, you get a Mr. Accessory, but that’s really just a neat side benefit, and not anything integral to the plot and advancement of the game.

You log in once a day, or every other day, or whatever. When you do, your turns will be waiting for you. You spend turns doing stuff, be it fetch, or cooking, or exploring, or fighting other players, and you can extend the base turn limit each day by eating and swilling sweet, sweet booze. Seriously, this game has more cocktails than a Mexican’s backyard. What? They chickenfight, take it up with them!

By the time you are addicted, your turns are spent, and there is very little left for you to do than go shower, and cook for your family, and read, and get some sun, and hold down a job, and all those other awesome things that you neglected wasting so much time playing WoW. Kingdom of Loathing goes deeper, holds tighter, and takes WAY less of your precious time and resources in return. It’s better than sex! Well, no. But it’s better than flossing, hands down!

We’re all on there, hanging out in clan SomaCow, which you are welcome to join. Sign up, have some fun, and meet new people… It’s what the internet should always be about.

A little backstory, here – In Kingdom of Loathing, the currency is known as “meat“. While I was typing this, user kmueller93, a complete stranger, noticed I was low on meat. So, she sent me meat. A crap ton. Like, significant digits of meats.

I am now rich with meat, and will be touring the mall looking for some better pants to wear. Life is good!

We sat around pantless til now to the great music of:

The Slackers

Tags: booze, Browser Based, clan, comedy, Games, internet, Joystiq, kingdom of loathing, kol, meat, orlando, Podcast, radio, Roleplaying, somacow, talk, Video game, warcraft, world of warcraft, wow

Nestled in the welcoming Joweled Woods, the gleaming city of Porkrind has long stood as the final bastion of the pudgy human race in their Alliance with the Dwarves, Fat Elves and Gnomes against the legions of the invading corporate radio shills: The Whored.

Three stalwart (by which I mean “overweight”) men have taken up the quest to rid the world of Icingfroth of the Oreo, Unslim, Booty Elf and Tootsie Troll invaders.

United, these brave souls alone have the courage to speak their mind, in a land where speech, and quality snack products, are rarely free.

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But, unbeknownst to their enemies, these three men, the Truffle Trio, the Knights of SomaCow, have a secret weapon with which to appease the masses, known only as: The Hopper

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Smiting the Corporate Radio Whored, The Three succeed in driving them from the shores of Icingfroth, so that free commerce can again flourish between the peaceful races

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Alarmingly bloated on the spoils of their victory, the Knights of SomaCow stand ever vigilant, obese and steadfast in their protection of the greatest treasure in the world: entertaining radio

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Tags: kick, Oreo, pig, pork rind, The Hopper, Tootsie, warcraft, Whored, world of warcraft

SomaCow Media, Inc. is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Barackolyspe Now, coming soon to a theater near you.

In this, our finest hour, we lay waste to the waste layer of an entire generation, namely, World of Warcraft. It’s time, good people of the world, to slough off the scales of sedimentary life, to brush away the moss that has formed so slowly, and yet so completely, over your backs and hearts and libidos as you sat, day after day, endlessly grinding levels in an effort to stop getting killed on raids so quickly. Free yourself from Blizzard Entertainment and move the hell ON from this bloated, overdone franchise of games. Besides, Star Craft II is out, and you know you want it.

Normally, dear listener, Jen writes down simple one sentence liner notes in an effort to help me fabricate these blogs. Today, I find it necessary to impart to you all what she has transcribed for my use at this time:

J uses it to take a break-should walk or have sex with his wife.

What more can be said that that?

Mickey has brilliant plans for a new restaurant, which we will be opening as soon as we finish the other 75 business ventures we are currently working on. Suffice it to say, we know our target market, and are hard at work finding an architect that can design a dining room to accommodate that much weight. Who designs circus tents, anyway?

We spend some time discussing the mystery that is the modern hot dog. Whether it be the infamous goop dog (does anyone have a photo of this supposed food product?) Or a strange buttload of hot pressed hogmeat, Greek style, we pay homage to the Tube Meat.I also have been literally attacked by the classmates, friend finder, and highschool hores where is they now type sites lately. Do you have really good friends from childhood, people that you have known all your life, and will always remain daily-tight with. I don’t mean fond of, I mean “have lunch with them daily”? I think it’s a shame, but the reality of the internet is that we can use it to choose the people we speak with, whereas childhood friends are just a happy happenstance of proximity and scheduling. Weird, and so precious that you retain such friendships if you are able.

Mickey gives a double dose of the LifeCoaching, both in segment and a personal aside to Today’s Male Youth.

We also discussed the base falseness of women, specifically, being extra nice to a person’s face when secretly you wouldn’t piss on their mother if she were infected with some weird bacteria that specifically required urine in order to combat terrible deep tissue cramps, or something. I don’t know, women just do weird stuff.

Come up and say hi to us and bye to a very good friend of ours, The Uberbastard

Wednesday Night at The Willow Tree Restaurant in Downtown Sanford. Here’s a map, so you won’t get lost.

Clickity Clina, The Clinese Clickah

On street parking is usually pretty easy to grab. Share the boot, have some sausages, and hit on Theo’s excellent multinational staff. Employees, not his actual mannschaft.

We enjoyed the following footlong bands during this episode:

• Straight Outta Junior High – Target Has My Heart
• 350 – Battle Cry

Tags: 350, barack, barackolypse, blizzard, buffet, comedy, craft, cramps, dog, entertainment, fat, friend, goop, high, hot, independant, independent, junior, mannschaft, music, nice, obama, of, orlando, outta, people, Podcast, radio, restaurant, sanford, sojh, star, straight, talk, three, tree, uberbastard, warcraft, willow, women, world