SomaCow

 

 204: So Who Was On The Phone? [59:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by a big steamy bowl of who cares.

In this hour, we complained about wikipedia, podcasters, J, luauers (people that luau), Shia the Beefs, harmonicas, Charlie Chaplin, and the Death of Chivalry. We were going to discuss great comedy partners, but, apparently, “Simpsons did it”.

So, why am I in such a bad mood? I have a great kid, a truly loving wife, powerful smelling friends with no active plots to destroy me, a decent job, and three pooches to boot. How could I possibly be so hissy and pissy when “a pack of blessings lights up upon my back”?

I really don’t know. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Kingdom of Loathing (sign up, Heard!), and spending time with the baby and wife, but otherwise, I am just seeing red lately. At work, we have a sign. The sign reads “No Solicitation”. I would think that that implies, “Do Not Try To Sell Us Your Scammy Copiers, Nor Your Free Delivery of Overpriced Sub Sandwiches, Nor Even Will We Give You Money, Even If You Just Need It To Catch a Bus and See Your 14-month Pregnant Wife”.

It apparently, does not. Today i was accosted by “the Gallery Rep”, who wanted us to buy 45 dollar cheap brass laminate framed Thomas Kinkade Art. I snarked, swore, and slammed the door.

WTF is up my butt? I normally LIKE breaks in the day like that…

I think I need some sessy time… Something.

Anyway, we had a good show, but in retrospect, we pick on J too much. I will give twenty dollars to the first listener that catches me being uncivil to J without reason, from here on out. See you in the Ustream, Saturday at 1:00 PM Eastern!

We fumed while rocking out to the following great bands:

• Goldfinger – War
• Wes Charlton – Daytime Blues

 

 175: Boom-De-Yada [1:01:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by Backstage Billiards, the Premiere Place to shoot table balls in Orlando. Go, have fun, and tell ‘em you heard about it from SomaCow Media!

We discussed Hillary’s Sad Swan Song, The Best Damn Commercial On TV Right Now, and The Impending Beef Crisis!

Politics is crap. The Republicans are staring down the barrel of a rapidly declining empire. In their wake, the Democrats have a rare opportunity to steamroll their agenda through and, “supposedly”, fix America. What have they chosen to do? The same thing every empire does in the wake of a dying dynasty. Squabble! Hillary wants votes counted, then she doesn’t, then she wants revotes. Obama wants you to ignore his pastor, then he doesn’t, then he fires his church to appease fat, gun-ridden and xenophobic America. Good job, guys! Way to show dignity, and not provide limitless ammunition for pundits and potshotters across this country. Douchecrats.

After swelling me with Anger, Mickey calms the room and awakens J with some audio from my favorite man (man’s man, guy, dude) on television, Mike Rowe. From his humble beginnings as a QVC Cat Toy Salesman, to his current status as the voice, face, and backbone of Discovery Channel, everything this guy touches turns to gold. I have a hundred dollars that says Mike Rowe will do a dirty job from a rocket or the space station in the next ten years. Well, maybe not a hundred dollars… We’ll see…

In all seriousness, Mike Rowe is what every man should be – Classically trained, possessing a strong baritone voice, capable of accessing an extensive vocabulary, in shape, thoughtful, humble… I think Mike Rowe might be Jesus.

But not even he can save us from the impending beef crisis. I am having difficulty coming up with a flow chart to explain the corn-ethanol-farmer-rancher-beefs cycle, but all I can say is you people need to stock up on the meats, stat. We will all be eating turkey burgers and pork stew soon enough. Unless we just start feeding American dollar bills to cows. Think about it – it’s green, it’s essentially worthless, and the new fives will make for some neat purple cowflops!

Listen, learn, laugh, and converse. We appreciate it!

We also chawed down on the following great bands:

• Black Francis – Seven Fingers
• Wes Charlton – Before I Die