SomaCow

 

 290: Ought to Be Brought to You By [56:53m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by no one. Really. Nobody likes us. Everybody hates us. We, if offered enough cheese sauce and maybe some bacon wrapping, would probably eat worms.

So, it’s time. We’re taking the show towards profit. Sponsorships, all that jazz. We were looking at building a new studio, and turning the show into a real fun money maker. You seem to enjoy the show, we enjoy doing it, and Mickey and I would like to put in place the things that will allow us to do this into perpetuity. So, I will include you, as loyal members of The Heard, who would you tolerate ads from? And what KINDS of ads?

We are certainly foodcentric, and it immediately leaps to mind that we should have a food advertiser… and then the show just falls apart. For like, the whole episode, it’s just food, food, food, and McLimerick shakes, and McRibs, and on and on… Holy crap, we eat.

Once we come back from break, Mickey brings up skullcandy, which opens the door to podcast/listener related stuff. Hell, I would love to advertise for the company that makes our board.

It comes down to a discussion of what would you endorse, what would you attach your name to? What would you be willing to “sell out” for?

For me? It usually comes down to a baconator.

We also nail out some listener mail, including one of my absolute favorites, ever. It’s just straight up nutters!

More listener mail from SeaDad,

who apparently went out training with .5o caliber guns and having a great time.

Finally, Glenn Webber went nutsandbolts insane and loaded up a whole wikipedia entry for our dear friend and resident Author Randolph LaLonde. We hope to see this expand with all kinds of info about Randy and his books, and welcome those of you that want to be productive to add positive and useful info about Randy. Get on it! Thanks again so much to Glenn Webber, who assuredly helps us each and every week to put out a better product in an easy to consume manner. That’s listener interaction with class, and we really appreciate it.

Mickey takes us out with some Life Coaching, and it was good. Then he goes on and on and on about a monkey, which was bad, but then he has some good thoughts on google homework, which is good, and under it all, the steady drone of J’s nose and the barking laughter of Ross plays well. You should listen. Hell, we do.

 

 204: So Who Was On The Phone? [59:44m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media is proud to present SomaCow, brought to you in this hour by a big steamy bowl of who cares.

In this hour, we complained about wikipedia, podcasters, J, luauers (people that luau), Shia the Beefs, harmonicas, Charlie Chaplin, and the Death of Chivalry. We were going to discuss great comedy partners, but, apparently, “Simpsons did it”.

So, why am I in such a bad mood? I have a great kid, a truly loving wife, powerful smelling friends with no active plots to destroy me, a decent job, and three pooches to boot. How could I possibly be so hissy and pissy when “a pack of blessings lights up upon my back”?

I really don’t know. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Kingdom of Loathing (sign up, Heard!), and spending time with the baby and wife, but otherwise, I am just seeing red lately. At work, we have a sign. The sign reads “No Solicitation”. I would think that that implies, “Do Not Try To Sell Us Your Scammy Copiers, Nor Your Free Delivery of Overpriced Sub Sandwiches, Nor Even Will We Give You Money, Even If You Just Need It To Catch a Bus and See Your 14-month Pregnant Wife”.

It apparently, does not. Today i was accosted by “the Gallery Rep”, who wanted us to buy 45 dollar cheap brass laminate framed Thomas Kinkade Art. I snarked, swore, and slammed the door.

WTF is up my butt? I normally LIKE breaks in the day like that…

I think I need some sessy time… Something.

Anyway, we had a good show, but in retrospect, we pick on J too much. I will give twenty dollars to the first listener that catches me being uncivil to J without reason, from here on out. See you in the Ustream, Saturday at 1:00 PM Eastern!

We fumed while rocking out to the following great bands:

• Goldfinger – War
• Wes Charlton – Daytime Blues

 

 177: Kill Your Television [1:04:25m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

SomaCow Media Network is proud to present SomaCow, brought top you by Scott Sigler’s Infected.

NOTE: Live shows are moving to Saturday from 1-4PM Eastern.

Please pardon the incongruity of this particular blog. I (Mickey) am filling in for Geoff who normally writes the show blogs. Geoff is busy at this very moment.

He is being a cheerleader. Za-Wha-Wha-Wha Pooooosh Poooooosh. His hippy wife Jen, the original producer for SomaCow, has been in labor at the hippy Birth Center for about 87 buhbillion straight hours. It seems as though my god-kid has already inherited my stubbornness.

I’m going to do something I normally yell at J for doing. I am going to break the fourth wall. I’m going to give you a peak behind the scenes and allow you to take a look at one of the processes… processi… processssss’s… at one of the things that goes into making a show. Today, we will expose the underbelly of … THE BLOG.

The “Production Staff” is a strongly guarded industrial secret of SomaCow Labs. No one truely knows how many people are part of “The Production Staff.” We recently added our listener Acina to “The Production Staff”.

Although it is a secret, how many people there are, how it works, who knew what when… it is a well oiled machine. The moment the show begins “TPS” begins hammering notes into the MOO-9000. If Geoff makes a mention of “beefs”, one fo the members of “TPS” punches in the code for “beefs”. If we mention “Chrispy”, the “Chrispy” code is entered. The same thing happens for other topics like:

God (aka Morgan Freeman)
Shia Labouf
In the navy
J being fired
Dolph Lungren
Is Our Children Learning
J coughing
“It’s like _____” followed by “It ISSSSS ________”
The Hippy Wife
The Chick
Bradley

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. The data collection portion of TPS even has statistics on how many times we use the word “the”. It’s mindbogglingly silly. But someday, when someone finally gets the wikipedia article approved and past the asshats that run that website, it will be important.

There are also members of TPS that do nothing but take show notes. Those show notes are then lovingly put into a velvet lined book, bound with leather, slid into a silken case, placed into a safe that is located inside the SomaCow Lab vault.

The reason this blog is not up to snuff: I do not have a key to the vault. So, The Productions Staff’s notes are not being used for this blog.

If you would like to be an unofficial member of TPS, you can send an email to moo@somacow.com. Moo-Mail (moo@somacow.com) now works for J as well. If you want to talk to Geoff, Me (Mickey), J, or Ross, (and The Hippy wife and The Chick and most of The Production Staff) then send a note to moo@somacow.com.

It’s neat. When an email comes in, alarms go off, phones vibrate, aol man screams… it’s like a cacophony of alert sounds. On great reason to utlize the Moo-Mail this week would be to send in your well wishes for our listener seadad. Seadad spent a lot of time listening to us live. He informed us that he is going out to sea soon. He is IN THE NAVY and it is deployment time for him. You can send your well wishes, pictures, audio clips, movies, etc to moo@somacow.com and we will ensure that they are delivered with love to SeaDad.