I like to think that I’m a fairly intelligent guy.
But, sometimes, my mouth works faster than my brain.
This has happened to me many times in my life, and I am unclear on why I haven’t been shot yet.
About an hour ago, I was driving to the grocery store. I’m in the left lane, and a big-ass pick-um-up truck pulls up behind me, riding my car’s ass.
I look down and see that I’m doing 50 in a 40. I can’t get into the right lane without speeding up even more to get ahead of those cars,
and given my recent traffic citation issues, I am loathe to do that, so I stay where I am.
I miiiiiiiight have even slowed down just a tiny bit.
So the guy continues riding my ass. I turn left at the light.
He turns left at the light.
I turn into the grocery store. He turns into the grocery store.
I pull up into a parking space. He pulls up behind me.
I get out of the car, pretending that I don’t see him, and that I haven’t been watching him the whole trip.
He rolls down his window, and says “If you wanna drive slow, you need to do it in the right lane.”
Helpful, informative, succinct.
But then I say to the guy “d00d, I was doin’ 50 in a 40. If you need to go faster than that, you might need to choose an alternate route.”
He starts to say “You ain’t…”, but I interrupt.
“In fact”, I say, “I’ll even find another route FOR you”, and whip out my cellphone, flicking it open and pretending that I have GPS and am pressing buttons.
I say “Yes, here it is, right here. It says…you can go to hell.”
I flick my phone shut and walk into the store.
True story.
WTF is wrong with me?
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