The east coast of Florida suffered significant damage from TropiCane Fay. Our thoughts and prayers are with them.
Inland, where I live, not so much with the flooding or wind damage.
Still, that doesn’t mean I can’t get all emotionally fired up about this tragedy…
As we all pull together the shattered remnants of our lives in the wake of the carnage and destruction wrought by TropiCane Fay, I look back and see how I could have better prepared to withstand Mother Nature’s onslaught. Though the misadventures I report below may be nerve-shattering, I hope that they might help you fare better than I did through future stormy disasters.
- Ensure that all playing cards are stored securely in their cases! I overlooked this obvious preparation, and stood helpless as I watched several cards whisked away by the fierce winds. I now face the reality of enduring whatever may come, in the form of nature’s fury, bereft of the Six of Clubs and the Jack of Diamonds.
How the hell am I supposed to play Texas Hold’em with no Six of Clubs or Jack of Diamonds?! - The floor lamp on my patio will never again shed its warm, comforting light on me.
At least, not until I replace the bulb that was shattered when the lamp tipped over and smacked against the side of the house. - At one point, my son opened the French doors in order to check on the unspent fury of the storm. Though the doors were only open for a brief moment, it was still long enough to blow the pages of my desk calendar ahead by four days. Those are four days of my life that I will never get back.
- Why, oh why, did I not bring inside the People magazine with Christina Applegate on the cover.
Now, her beautiful face is blurred by the pelting rain, and the cologne sample cards inside are of no use to anyone. - Our beloved family pets, dachshunds Blitzen and Riley, whom we now lovingly keep outside because they lovingly pissed all over the carpet when we had them inside, may never be the same. Long-haired Blitzen was slightly dampened, resulting in an unsightly matted ear, while Riley was devastated by the loss of part of an old trash bag that he had been chewing on. Lovingly.
- The coupon, left on my front door by Mama Mental Pizza, is no more. The anguish of that missed opportunity is unbearable.
Maybe we could order Chinese. See? Already I am looking bravely to the future. - The little red plastic flag on my mailbox was blown from the up position to the down position, despite the fact that I have outgoing mail.
How will I communicate with the outside world?! - At one point, as I endured the fierce gales, my hair moved.
I have no words.
PS: Does anyone have instructions on exactly how to go about unhunkering down?
Tags: boobs, Christina Applegate, dachshund, Fay, hunker, hurricane, teen, Texas Hold'em, tropical storm
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Dear Mr. J:
Like you, there are times when I need some “ME” time and do not wish to be my normal “hunk” self. I have found the following works for me and it is my wish it will help you….
1) If out in public, I like to wear dark blue denim jeans with the bottoms rolled up. Evidently this has not gone completely out of fashion so I like to take it a step further. After rolling up the bottoms of my jeans I will wrap them with a colored masking tape to prevent the cuffs from unraveling. I always color coordinate the tape with my shirt.
2) I like to wear an old color faded sweat band on my wrist. If you do not have much perspiration I recommend keeping a mist bottle of water so you can keep the sweat band wet. I like to go the extra mile and mix in a hint of aqua velva into the water.
3)The finishing touch for me is to wear a mood ring. When trying to unhunker down, I have found nothing keeps the chickies away as much as wearing a mood ring.
4)If all else has failed I will put on my walkman and play Boy George music. This typicall serves two purposes. First, it has proven effective to help me have the “ME” time I have been craving. Second, it greatly reduces the amount of “ME” time I want. After listening to “Do you really wanna hurt me” I find I am motivated to return to my normal hunk self.
As always, I’m here to help.
Brad
[...] this hour, we whet our appetites with a tale of three men, hunkered and blown by the vicious Tropicane Fay. Thrill to stories both musty and drippy as Geoff recants his harrowing experience, where 13 [...]
oh my goodness j! your poor cards! i bet the dogs lovingly ate them while u werent looking, in responce to ur neglectful unappreciation of the little piles of “love” they left you….you might need to do something about that, but i will leave it up to you to decide……also? i will not demean myself by telling you how to “unhunker down”. i figure i did it for years when i lived in hawaii and COULDNT evacuate, so u need to learn to deal. ur a champ, and abuot as “unhunkered” as is humanly possible ^_~